Sunday, March 16, 2014

By the way, don't judge our music taste!

When I listen to a song, I hear primarily the lyrics. According to The Man, it’s such a waste I never join the game show “Don’t Forget The Lyrics". I never forget words to a song - even those that I don't know well. For example, I can easily recite the lyrics to Bohemian Rhapsody, even though I am not a fan of Queen . I just hear it a lot on the radio when I was growing up.

When The Man listens to a song however, he only hears the melody. He never pays any attention to the words or wonder what the song is about. And that is why it always gets on my nerves when he tries to sing....

The Man: “Oh… I am going to eat pizza….”
Frou: Dude, it is “I’m going to IBIZA”.
(“We are going to Ibiza” by Venga Boys)

The Man: “Making my way downtown… la la la… I’m giving out hongbaos”
Frou: So, Venessa Carlton suddenly turned Chinese and got married?
The Man: Erm...
Frou: “Walking fast, faces pass and I’m HOMEBOUND”!
(“Thousand Miles”)

The Man: “I love you like a love song, baby, and I go beep beep beep beep beep”
Frou: Why would Selena Gomez go beep beep beep?
The Man: I don't know.
Frou: How about “And I keep hitting re-peat-peat-peat-peat-peat!!!!!!!!!!!!”
("Love you like a love song")

The Man: “Kiss me, I want to go to Bali….”
Frou: Since when did Sixpence None The Richer start promoting Indonesia tourism?
The Man: Then??
Frou: “Kiss me out of the BEARDED BARLEY”.
The Man: What the hell is bearded barley?
Frou: I don’t know….a barley plant with mustache?

Monday, July 01, 2013

Confidence! Confidence! Confidence!

Last weekend, The Man revealed he was once a guest speaker at a DATING WORKSHOP. I had to stop to gag for a full minute when I heard that. It was too hilarious.

He said he had a friend who ran a dating site and she asked him to help give a talk to her male members on how to talk to women.

Frou: What made you such an expert on that topic?

The Man: Because I have no problem talking to girls.

Frou: Righht. So, tell me, what’s your secret to talking to us?

The Man: Three simple rules – Confidence…… Confidence and…. Confidence!

(The Frou rolling on the floor – he said it with such gusto!)

The Man: You see, the men who attended are quite sad looking but I told them – Fret not, boys! You must never think the girl is too pretty for you. You must think of yourself as …… a work of art.

(The Frou cannot stop rolling)

The Man: Can you get off the floor already? It is embarrassing. We are out in the open.

Frou: YOU are a piece of art, my friend.

Anyway, we googled the website and we found that his friend is still organizing singles/dating events. Also, the site has some articles on dating tips such as how to keep conversation, how to be confident (again??) and why singles are not dating in Singapore (the first reason stated was because they lack confidence!)

Yes, I agree confidence is important when it comes to starting the dating process – but it takes more than confidence to keep the other party interested. Nobody likes a cocky bastard or an arrogant girl who thinks she is all that. You need to balance that with a healthy dose of humility which, to me, is a much more attractive quality than cockiness. Anyway, I told the Man that I will be happy to volunteer to write for his friend’s website. I am no expert at dating but I think I am more down to earth when it comes to this topic.

I honestly believe the key to dating is to be self aware and practical. For example, I would have written:

The Frou’s Practical Guide To Choosing a Partner:

1. Choose a partner your own attraction level or 2 notches below, never above. For example, if you are an average 7, you should try and date someone who is a 5, 6 or 7. This follows the law of ‘natural selection’ – do watch nature documentaries or read up on Darwin’s laws on evolution if you don’t know what I mean.

2. If you wish to go for an 8-10, you should upgrade yourself to that level first. Try clever makeup, better clothes or plastic surgery. In this time and age, it is not that hard to fake your looks. Have you not seen those Korean girls?

3. You can be an exception to Rules 1 and 2 if you are rich (and stay rich).

4. Don’t try and go below 2 notches down. You will not stay interested for long.

5. Don’t trust yourself to gauge what your attraction level is. Seek an unbiased third party for an honest opinion. Never ask your mother or a pet. If you don’t have anyone you can trust, please send me your picture and I will be happy to give you an honest opinion.

You think people will ever take dating advice from me??

Wednesday, June 26, 2013

26 June 2013 is a historical day

Not because it was the day thousands of Singaporeans lined up since 9pm to get their hands on a “Singing Bones Hello Kitty” launched by Mcdonalds at midnight (what the heck are they thinking?) but it was the day a U.S. Supreme Court issued a decision that will affect all married homosexual couples in the U.S.

The decision struck down a key provision in the Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA) which denied legally married same-sex couples the same benefits heterosexual spouses are entitled to, such as tax, health and pension benefits. In doing so, the Supreme Court ruled that DOMA violated the Constitution’s equal protection clause. It is indeed a cause for celebration! I believe that marriage should be for all, regardless of sexual orientation. As long as a couple wants to commit to each other and be bound by the laws governing their partnership, I don’t see why their gender should prevent them having the same legal protection afforded to heterosexuals. In fact, I know of many gay partnerships that lasted longer than straight couples.

My company is in celebration of this decision. In our window displays, we wrapped a rainbow flag around 2 male mannequins. I have to say, I am very proud to work for a company who has been supporting workers’ equality for over 16 decades. This is deeply rooted in our heritage. Not only do we have a foundation to advocate, support and fund campaigns relating to issues on equality in gender, race and sexual orientation, we have also been extending employee benefits to partners of our gay and lesbian employees for over 20 years now.

26 June 2013 is also a historical day in my relationship with The Man, as it is the day I agreed to watch a zombie flick with him.

You see, I am a scaredy cat who cannot watch horror films, including those featuring the living dead. I don’t know how people can be dead and alive at the same time; I don’t get the concept. The Man is a big time zombie flick fan, and the only time I watched one with him was BEFORE we dated. It was during a stage when I was trying to impress him and I was all like, “I am the coolest chick in town and you will be lucky to date me” mode. So, during a bus ride to KL, he brought up his laptop and made me watch a “surprise movie”. The movie turned out to be a B-grade zombie flick starring a lot of known actors/actresses. I reiterate I wasn’t dating him then and I was stuck in a 4 hour bus ride with him, and there was nowhere to run. So I had no choice but to keep my “coolest chick” face on and gamely watch the movie with him. Inside, I was dying from fear and chicken shit. After that KL trip, we became a couple and I dropped the fake face immediately and told him I am never ever watching another zombie movie with him.

Up until 26 June 2013, that is. He had a very bad day at work that day and I have been a bitch to him all week. After a really huge and senseless fight over nothing (I’m sure you guys had one of those before), he said the only thing that would ever make him remotely happy again is for me to watch World War Z with him at the cinema. We are talking big screen, baby. In the midst of all the shouting and emotions raging between us, he heard me say okay.

So, today we have a date to watch World War Z. He tried to make me feel better by saying Brad Pitt is in it. (Not working. I don’t care about him.) He also explained that zombies are not scary because they are merely people who have been inflicted with a disease. Do I look like I buy that? Bite me! (err… I don’t mean that literally!)

Monday, June 24, 2013

Got kick but don’t taste like shit

As you all know, we are experiencing hazy days in Singapore and the Gahmen has advised the nation to stay indoors, avoid diuretic such as alcohol and reduce all physical outdoor activities.

On the other hand, I received the following message from The Toe on Whatsapp:

Is the haze getting you down? (emoticon of clouds)
Need a remedy? (emoticon of a person wearing face mask)
Fret not; frown not! (emoticon of monkey covering face)
Alcohol’s the answer to this tragedy (various emoticons of alcohol beverages)
When: Tmr night
Where: Hood 5th floor Bugis + (got live band and Guinness on tap)
Why: Drink the haze away!
Come one, come all!

As conflicting as it sounds, you just can’t argue with the logic of “drinking the haze away” (since any time is a good time for us). Also, she got some pretty nifty use of emoticons going on in that message.

Which is why, I found myself in da Hood last Saturday night, watching The Toe engaged in some serious conversation with two (yes, two) bartenders. The music was loud and she was shouting and gesticulating wildly, “We want strong shots that don’t taste nasty. Got kick but don’t taste like shit. Understand?” You have to admire how succinct my BFF is when instructing for alcohol.

The band playing that night was made up of 5 young Chinese boys singing a very odd mix of music – in English, Mandarin and Cantonese. After a couple of rounds of those kicky shots, the Toe told me I showed her a side of me she never knew. Apparently, not only did I know all the Chinese songs they were singing, I knew the lyrics. Apart from Beyond and Faye Wong, the song that takes the cake that night was the quintessential ‘growing pains” song from the very dark ages of Mandopop. If you are born in the 70s, I bet you know this - Red Dragonfly - by the all time popular boy band, Little Tigers. Oh boy, that song really brought me down memory lane. I must have been, what, 12 years old when I last heard it. Nicky Wu (from Little Tigers) is a bona fide old uncle tiger now.

In line with me feeling 12 years old again, The Toe and I played a very irritating children (chewren) game. She pointed at the 5 boys on stage and asked me to pick who I would “Shoot, Shag or Marry” (“SSM”).

Let me describe the 5 boys to you. Boy #1, the lead singer, was wearing an oversize tee and had a greasy fringe flopping into his eyes all night. The Toe nudged at me and said he is also a lawyer. I nudged her back and told her I want to lure him to a bathroom only to give him a good hair wash. Boy #2 was a decent looking chap and he wears a fedora so I don’t know if he has oily hair or not but he looks freakishly like my friend and fellow blogger, Tetanus. Boy #3 was a skinny pretty boy who looked like he can be the face of any Korean cosmetic company. Boy #4 spotted a ponytail and blended into the background. Boy #5, the drummer, is your regular boy next door but spews curses like a sailor.

The Toe gave me a few permutations during the game. For example, she will say between Boy #1, 2 and 3, which one will you SSM? The game started to lose its appeal when we realize that in ALL permutations, we both want to shoot the oily lawyer, shag the pretty boy and we keep forgetting to include the wallflower. Anyway, the next time you find yourself out drinking with your friends, give this chewren game a go. It’s irritatingly hilarious.

We ended the night with me driving everyone to a supper of frog legs, raw fish and deep fried pig intestines porridge in Chinatown which really hits a spot – yums! My conclusion is, drinking (playing silly games, singing Chinese songs and eating assorted animal parts) won’t make the haze go away, but it certainly beats staying indoors dwelling about it. Hope the bad air goes away soon!

Here’s a walk down memory lane for some of you... (note their cheesy 'safari' outfits! haha!)

Thursday, June 13, 2013

Ok, so here’s a funny story to share.

I was at a neighborhood police station recently and I overheard an auntie lodging a complaint against her neighbor. The auntie was accompanied by her frumpy looking daughter, who looked like she was only there because she couldn’t take her mother’s constant whining anymore and decided to have the police deal with it instead.

Here’s how the conversation went – please note that Auntie only spoke Mandarin so this is a (kok) translation.

Auntie: My neighbor, he is crazy! And mad! The other day, I went and told him very politely that he must flush his toilet after he takes a dump. Wah, he got angry and came to my gate and kicked it. Twice! And shouted at me!

Policeman: (poker face) OK, auntie. You said you asked him to flush the toilet. Why? Is his toilet very near your house? Can you smell his toilet from your house?

Auntie: (ignoring the question) So this morning I went downstairs to take a bus to see a doctor and I bumped into him at the lobby. Wah! He stared at me with dagger eyes and looked like he wants to kill me. I swear if I am found dead, he is the murderer! Please write that down in your report as a record.

Police: (poker face) OK, auntie. You said he stared at you. What else did he do?

Auntie: He stared at me as if he wants to kill me!

Police: Ok, correction. He stared at your angrily. Did he do anything else?

Auntie: Not yet. But if I am found dead, he is the murderer!

Police: So, what did you do upon seeing him staring angrily at you?

Auntie: I got on a bus to go see a doctor.

Police: Okayyyyy…… and did he follow you?

Auntie: How would I know? He wasn’t on the bus. But I know for a fact that if I am found dead, he is the murderer!

At some point, I couldn’t take it anymore and had to run out of the station to release a howl of laughter. And for the record, if I am found dead laughing, that auntie is the murderer!!