Of Maids & Leopards

I am working from Starbucks this afternoon because my maid is around and I had to get out of her hair.

Well, it’s not exactly that I had to, but more of I wanted to. She seems fine with me being in the house but at some point, she was cleaning AROUND me. I was sitting in my ‘home office’ area and she was dusting my printer, my chair, my work table… I am actually surprised she didn’t stick her duster into my hair. I bet she wanted to because I am pretty dirty. And you cannot blame me. I haven’t had the need to shower.

Anyway, I commiserate because if I am working, I wouldn't like someone looking over my shoulders so I took a very quick rinse at the sink (I can’t shower; she’s cleaning remember?) and took my laptop to Starbucks. It’s actually not bad here. I have coffee (albeit not so good), campany (students and angmoh tai tais) and best of all, food. I’m actually starving. Working from home has been a very hungry experience.

Speaking of running away from maids, just last week, I had to do the same thing in Hong Kong. I was staying with Secretary Pig and was working from HER home and she warned me that I shouldn’t stick around the house on Thursday because her maid is coming and her maid is not the pleasant sort. Her exact description is “Chao Bien” which mean “Black Face”. Apparently Chao Bien scolds her whenever she is mucking around the house while she is cleaning. Chao Bien also hates to be told what to do. And if you get mad at Chao Bien for staining your clothes, Chao Bien don’t care. I am scared of Chao Bien so I hung around the streets of Causeway Bay and work off my Blackberry. At some point, I was actually sitting in one of those display chairs at G.O.D (a home furnishing store) and replying long emails. After a while, I got really tired so I snuck back into the house, said a very quick hello to Chao Bien and then disappeared into my room and locked the door until Secretary Pig came home later that night and told me it is safe to come out.

Anyway, while I was mucking about the streets of Hong Kong, I made an observation. I don’t know whether it has always been this way OR if the law of attraction is at play but all the ladies I see are wearing leopard prints. I kid you not! They are wearing leopard print tops, leggings, shoes, scarves, bags.. the works! I mention laws of attraction because just last week, I had a conversation with The Man about this. We were eating in a hawker centre (Toe, I DO eat at hawker centres) and we saw this lady in a full on leopard print top. We started discussing what types of women will wear leopard prints. I reckon she must be pretty feisty and loud. The Man reckons she must be an auntie or cougar. I asked Secretary Pig and she said her mother has a CATSUIT (i.e. top to toe) in leopard print. Ooh la la la! Anyway, we said we are DEFINITELY not the type that will wear something like that. Then we started discussing which of our friends will, but couldn’t think of any.

And then law of attraction REALLY kicked in yesterday when my admin assistant emailed me to inform me which mails have come in for me. She listed them out - Readers Digest magazine (I’m still subscribing, can you believe it?), Singtel phone bills, National Geographic magazine (I subscribed because of the free world map), Zouk flyers (as if I still party) and lastly, a package from “Ministry of Retail” with the description “white, hidden leopard tunic”.

A white hidden what????

Frou: Have you been buying things from Ministry of Retail?
The Sister: Yes! And I have been sending them to your office.
Frou: Pray tell, why is there something labeled “leopard” in the description? Did you buy a leopard print top?
The Sister: Yes! I bought it for you!
Frou: You bought me a what??
The Sister: Yes. I figure you will like it.
Frou: Do I look like the sort that will wear leopard print?
The Sister: Yes! Why not?

*weak roar*