To bed or wed?

Not too long ago, I was described as “The Non-Marrying Kind” by a guy's friend. Yes, you heard me right; not the guy himself but his "friend". That's a double whammy, if you ask me.

According to his "friend", I was too "wild." What's with the coloured hair and the many, many 'ang kongs'? Besides being 'visually' unacceptable to mothers, I also smoke (then) and drink too much. It also doesn't help that I keep very noisy and lame campany (yes, I meant you two, Phillip & Dailytoe. But I heart you both anyway, miu!). All in all, I wasn't a very good package.

No, it didn't matter that I was witty, charming and made his "friend" laugh. The Marrying Kind don’t laugh when cooking, doing laundry and feeding the kids. Laughing is what you do with the Non-Marrying Kind.

Thankfully, the guy has the sense to listen to his own instinct and trust that somewhere deep inside, I have all the makings of a Stepford Wife (ha-ha!). Ok, I'm not sure if I want to skip down the aisle anytime soon but what irks and disturbs me more is that that I was pigeonhole-d so carelessly - by a stranger, no less.

But apparently, such classification is very common. I read somewhere recently that within 3 minutes of meeting a girl, a guy categorically classify her as either "The Marrying Kind" or "The Non-Marrying Kind"

If you are a woman who wants to get married, this classification can be extremely nerve wrecking. Imagine, all you have is 3 minutes to prove that you a wife material. Even if you are not looking for marriage, you should be concerned nonetheless because it determines whether you will be treated like a princess or (sadly) a whore.

So how do you ensure that you always fall into the "princess" category?

According to John Malloy, the author of the book "Why Men Marry Some Women and Not Others," below are the four biggest mistakes a woman can make:

1. She don't insist on marriage
This is classic example of "Don't ask, don't get." If you don't lay it on your cards that that you expect wedding bells at some point, you will not hear them. According to Malloy, most men are happy to string along in a relationship without getting married so it is up to the girl to plant that seed of thought in their boyfriend's head and water it everyday.

2. She will not commit to the idea of marriage
Traditionally, getting married is a natural cycle of life where once a girl reach puberty, her primary focus should be to find a husband who can support her and bear him children. These days, it's different. Women are financially independent and enjoying life; getting married and having kids are just two of her many, many 'to-do' items. A man will not want to marry a women whom they feel will not commit to picking up the role of a wife and mother.

3. She do not love herself first
According to Malloy, women who married loved themselves more than they loved any man and hence, that they will dump a guy who do not satisfy their needs. This ties in to the fact that a woman who loves herself will only want the best for herself e.g. a good husband who can provide. I don't quite agree with this because I've known a lot of women who obviously do not love themselves enough and as a result, marry dweebs - but that is another story....

4. She don't pay attention to time
The Marrying Kind are far less likely to have waste their time in dead-end relationships. This mean that once they suss out that the guy is an unsuitable life partner, they leave. On the other hand, the Non-Marrying Kind will date commitment-phobic bad boys (for the fun of it) or stay in stale relationships without appreciating that the time they are wasting can be invested in looking for a husband elsewhere.

Jane Austen once wrote that in nine cases out of ten, a woman had better show more affection than she feels. Similarly, I think a woman had better to show more 'wed-ability' than she cares for. After all, you may not feel like getting married now but who knows what you feel tomorrow or next month or ten years down the road.

So ladies, maybe it's time we start investing in those Laura friggin' Ashley frocks……

Note to concerned friends: NO LAR, I am not getting married soon......not that I know of anyway.