华语 Cool!

The last time I asked my sister to read a headline from a Chinese newspaper, she went, "Err, Zhi er Long Por...something something er Shui...Zhai something?"

Yes, there was a flood in Kuala Lumpur, if you can figure that out.

It never cease to amaze me that a person can spend 10 years studying a language but remain totally inept in it. I noticed the same thing amongst some of my Singapore-educated friends who took Chinese as a second language. Despite studying it throughout their primary and secondary education, they still can't string together a proper sentence in Chinese.

Which is why, it brings me great joy to listen to these people struggle with the language. When provoked, they can come up with lines so funny, it will bring even Confucius to tears (and shame).

Let me share an example with you.

During my hospitalisation stint, the room I occupied at Mount Elizabeth overlooks a garden. This garden is exclusive for in-house patients to go take breather in the open air. All day long, I can see patients (dressed in our standard green gown) being wheeled around by their family/friends around the garden.

One particular afternoon, Dailytoe came to visit me and both of us are staring blankly out of the window. I pointed out to Dailytoe that the garden resembles a scene out of a typical Channel 8 TV drama where "important" conversation takes place - especially between lovers, when one of them get into an accident or became critically ill.

Putting on her Channel 8 Director hat, Dailytoe immediately came up with a script and acted it out - in her half-past-six Mandarin, no less.

The Scene: A girl with long rebonded hair, fair complexion and flat face (think Fann Wong) is being wheeled around by her long-term boyfriend who live in the next HDB block from her.

Girl: "Wo you hua yao gen ni shuo" (Translation: "I've got something to tell you")
Boy: "Shen me?" ("What?")
Girl: "Wo men (dramatic pause) fen shou ba" ("Let's break up")
Boy: (Alarmed) "Wei shen me?" ("Why??")
Girl: "Ying wei wo de yan jing (dramatic pause again)...huai le" ("Because my eyes... are spoilt")

*Gasp*

I immediately stop her to ask what does she mean by her eyes are 'spoilt'. Apparently, she meant to say that the girl has gone blind.

Undeterred by me rolling around with laughter, Dailytoe continued with her dramatic Channel 8 story:

Girl: "Ke si, dang wo bi shang yan jing, wo hai huai kan dao ni" ("But whenever I close my eyes, I can still see you")
Boy: "Jiang ni man man kan ba" ("Take your time to see then")

I laughed so hard I nearly pulled my intravenous drip off.

Dailytoe, ni de 华语 Cool! I will definitely nominate you for the next Star Awards.....