Most people hate eating alone; they rather not eat at all. Those dying of hunger might opt to take-out and eat in hiding and the braver ones might grab a quick bite somewhere where they would not be seen. But one thing's for sure, no one wants to sit down and enjoy a meal in a proper restaurant, solo. That’s reserved for losers with no friends, no?
It is engrained in our culture that eating is an "experience" you should share with family and friends. Whenever someone suggests a meet-up, it is usually for a meal or at the very least coffee, or any form of digestible items so that we all have something to put in our mouth while catching up or socializing. Even in the animal kingdom, most species eat in groups too. (Mental picture of a pride of lioness feasting on the carcass of a wildebeest together)
Perhaps that is why eating alone is often attached to the stigma that nobody wants to socialize with you. It is akin to going to the cinema by yourself, an embarrassing and social pariah act.
I wonder why it never occur to people that some people actually enjoy eating alone and they do it not because circumstances, but by choice. What's more, they don't just eat alone, they "dine" alone.
Yes, I have (finally) discovered to the joy of solo dining! It was something I never had to do before and something I thought I would never want to anyway. But with life getting busier and noisier each day, having a quiet meal by yourself without the obligation to speak to anyone, is actually utterly blissful.
My curiosity about solo dining came about a couple of years back. While waiting for a friend at Alexis, a smart casual restaurant in Bangsarm, I noticed a white chick sitting by herself at a corner table. She was tucking into her meal quietly. What struck me most about her is the fact that she wasn't trying to look occupied (often people do this by reading a magazine or playing with a mobile phone) nor appear embarrassed by the fact that she is alone. She had her head up and was looking around the restaurant while chewing her three-course meal purposefully. She is picture perfect of someone who enjoys solo dining. I was the one, at the other corner of the restaurant, cringing in embarrassment FOR her.
But I was inspired.
After several attempts at it, I discovered that, amidst all the negative assumptions, it is actually not so hard. The only thing you really need to overcome, is your irrational fear that people are judging you. They are not; they normally don't even look. Even if they do, what does it matter? You don't know them anyway.
Moreover, service staffs are somehow extra nice to solo diners. Perhaps it's out of sympathy but I am not complaining about the bigger portions and free refills! The only time they are not so nice is when you try to get a table for one during their busy hours. Most tables in decent restaurants don't cater for solo diners, meaning their smallest table is for two persons. If you want a table by yourself, you are depriving them of business for another headcount.
The most solo-dining-friendly eateries I've found are Japanese restaurants. In Tokyo, solo dining IS the only way to eat. Because time is so precious, the Japanese don't waste time on eating. Most eateries do not even have chairs. You order and pay for your ramen through a machine, grab it at the counter, eat it in ten minutes off a long communal table and go back to work. I have once stood at a yakitori bar in Shibuya for 1.5 hours next to a dozen other solo diners, collectively shoving yakitori into our mouths and drinking Asahi. It is impossible to feel embarrassed or lonely in the company of others of like-mind.
These days, if I can help it, I prefer to take my lunches alone. It is the only time I truly have to myself and great opportunity to catch up on some reading. I discovered a small boutique Japanese cafe near my office which is a haven for solo diners. Most patrons are single working Japanese men who go there to read their comic books and enjoy a good home-cooked meal. We all sit along a communal table that fits about half dozen solo diners or you may choose one of the (many) smaller tables if you want more privacy. Nobody looks at anybody and the staffs leave you alone. It is tucked away and quiet so you can stay as long as you want - oh ya, they refill your ocha for nothing too!
There is an online site (solodining.com) dedicated to information on solo dining such as tips on how to do so without dying of embarrassment and related etiquettes such as whether reading in restaurants is acceptable. One of their catchphrases, in big bold letters, is: "The company is fine!"
Yes, your own company is good enough. If you haven't try it, I suggest that you do. Remember you are not dining 'alone', you are dining with yourself.
I can eat anything I want since no one is looking....
3 comments:
I often dine alone on weekends and I usually pick around 3 to 4pm to have lunch. Not because I'm embarrassed to be seen alone but the off peak time is more quiet and less crowded. I highly encourage people to try it once or twice to appreciate that being alone does not equate to being lonely.
you get to see people eat alone anywhere in western countries. people do that all the time here in australia. it doesn't mean they are losers...it's just that they want to spend time with themselves. i think it's the chinese culture of 'saving face' that we feel the need to eat with people so that we don't look like a loser. haha.
Yay! I found fans of solo-dining!
(Cina-man: Aussy, aussy, oy, oy, oy!)
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