Why a chinese ah lian can never make it in Japan

The Japanese are very nice people. In my course of work, I deal with many Japanese lawyers and read many Japanese contracts. They are all very nice and very awkwardly polite.

The problem is I come from a profession that is not so nice. In my local rat race, nice people always finish last - actually most of the time, they never even get to the finishing line because other road ragers would have knocked them down, beat them up, accuse them of some outrageous crimes such as sedition or sodomy, and then oust them to the side of the road broken and bleeding.

Not nice.

So it is refreshing to see nicety in Japanese contracts. One of the nicest clause I came across is: "If parties do not agree on matters relating to costs, parties shall consult with each other and discuss matters sincerely"

So nice!

[Phillip: So how ar? I must say "I sincerely think that you are BLOODY RIPPING US OFF??"]

Anyway....

Another nice Japanese culture I learnt is that we must always greet an elder respectfully using certain terms. At work, when we talk to someone of mentorship level, we should call them 'sensei'.

So I was working on a particular case which I need to consult with a Japanese lawyer. I was told to call Watanabe-sensei, a senior partner and a well-known expert in the field.

It was a crazy morning for me. The phone is ringing off the hook, reminder emails popping up, papers everywhere and people wanting things to be done now Now NOW!

I was not thinking anymore when I finally got Watanabe-sensei on the phone. Suddenly aware that I got through, I dropped the pencil I have been chewing in my mouth and quickly mumbled:

"Good morning, may I speak with Wo-de-na-beh sensei?"

[Pause]

I thought about it.

I starting laughing.

And I laughed and I laughed and I laughed.

I am such a chinese chao ah lian I tell you......