Want me? Buy me nasi lemak.

I recently read a book where after I am done, not only do I want to return it and get my money back, I was tempted to file a suit against the bookshop for stocking it in the first place. I also considered marching up to the author's house and giving her good shake on the shoulders.

No, she is not a bad writer. In fact, she is clear, concise and chooses the right lexicon well. After all, she is a top journalist. But oh my, her thoughts and perceptions - while rightly mirroring the thoughts of every other SPG that resides in Singapore, leaves me aghast and weak in the knees with disdain.

So, this author-who-shall-not-be-named (let's call her Ms. Voldermort) writes a column on relationship and dating in the local newspaper. That's right, much like Carrie Bradshaw from Sex And the City except instead of a Manhattan apartment and Manolo Blahniks, she lives in a HDB flat and wears Charles & Keith. If she is from Malaysia, she would live in PJ and wears Vincci shoes. It's all relative, you see.

Let me zoom in on one chapter titled, "Want a girlfriend? Get a nice car". Ms. Voldermort rants that a car makes getting a gf easier in many ways:

(1) More options regarding where to go (as if Singapore is SO big)
(2) Demonstrate his chivalry by sending her home and running her errands like a knight in shining metal armour (in short, be her minion)
(3) Serves as a cosy private space to make out (If you live in Singapore, this is a relevant cause for concern because most people stay with their folks until they get married. Her point is that it saves hotel money for your roll in the hay)
(4) A man with an expensive car is just more socially desirable.

For these reasons, should she need to choose between two men, she would definitely go for the one with wheels.

Then she asked herself, what if the girl is not materialistic? She answers that even if you don't mind taking public transport, your relatives and family will. A car-less son-in-law is a big loss of face.

According to Ms. Voldermort, even if you own a car, where you PARK it is also relevant. Apparently your parking spot 'seals your social status'. Higher ranking employees normally gets reserved lots nearer to the exits hence more prestigious. Well, okay - so if you date someone who have a car but make you walk to the corner of the rooftop parking lot, no brownie points for him.

As absurd as that sound, it is not untrue. A Singapore girfriend once told me that her friend dumped a guy even though he got a car. Why? Because she spotted a HDB flat parking sticker on his windscreen. That is as good as NOT having a car.

Dear me. So what should single Singapore males do? Her advice is, "If you are male and dateless, why don't you hop down to Performance Motors or Cycyle & Carriage this weekend if you can afford it? The ignition key to hot girls is within nearer reach'.

Yes my friend. If Singaporean girls can starve themselves to save up for LV bags and Ferragamo shoes to look good, the boys could easily starve themselves to cough up 70 grand to get a car to woe them. It's all relative you see.

Ms. Voldermort is not alone in her shallowness. A friend once told me that she will never eat pizzas in a Pizza Hut because it is so low class. The last we checked, the hometown she came from only have one KFC.

My best friend, the Queen, gave me this piece of advice when I am growing up. She said that no matter how far we have come in life, we must always remember where we come from. So even if you live in a bungalow now with 300 amahs serving you Buddha Jump Over the Wall everyday and drives a B-M-double U, you must always be able and willing to take a bus to a mamak and eat roti prata by the roadside in Bata slippers - and do so very happily and willingly too. Just like before.

To me, the most attractive trait in any human being is humility. Humility is a form of self respect which keeps us from thinking too highly of ourselves.I quote Kong Fu Zi, who says that 'Humility is the solid foundation of all virtues'. We live in a world where our material possessions and status too easily defines us to people around us. We are quick to judge physical appearances and slow in appreciating internal beauty. To be able to stay grounded and real in the all the drudgeries and shams of life, is a demonstration of true strength of character.

To each her own, I suppose. I am not holier-than-thou. I too am a self-confessed shallow-minded wanton woman who would trade her first-born for a roll in the hay with Korean heart trob, Rain (at least I am not SPG I guess). But at the end of it all, I would gladly do my walk of shame driving my Perodua Kembara down to the mamak to gossip about my rendezvous with The Queen over nasi lemak - in my Bata slippers.

Maybe I am just cheap. Lack of money keeps me humbled.

Oh, I forgot to add. Ms. Voldermort mentions that it doesn't work the other way: "A woman with a car is not as prized. Indeed, it could work against her instead."

It's no wonder I am still single.