Amuse me not

Last weekend, I escaped from the Lion City where I was dying of boredom and went back home in search of friends, adventures and conversations.

It was great weekend and I met tons of people who inevitably passed on some brand new insights. Some were clever, some downright dumb and some.....just plain shocking.

#1 Dumb comment: “TAK BOLEEEEH”
In English, that means a loud resounding ‘CANNOT”. Now there is nothing weird about someone saying No to you – rejection is all part of life, right? But imagine someone not only saying No, they DRAMATIZE their No and then DON’T tell you what they are saying No to.

I was on this high-class executive bus cruising down the north-south highway. A sweet demure “Customer Relations Officer” (or in short, bus stewardess) has initially came round with blue plastic bags for collection of our thrash. I saw her come down the aisle again with that infamous blue plastic bag. So I gathered all my thrash (you know the usual bus junk like kuaci seeds, peanut shells and used toothpicks) and was about to deposit them into the open blue bag when she suddenly recoil from me in terror, clutching the blue bag to her heaving chest.

“TAK BOLEEEEH”, she cries.

I looked at her absolutely bewildered. I waited for her explaination. No response. I looked at her closer with widened eyes. No response. The staring competition lasted at least 8 seconds without a single sound from her.

Resigned, I finally asked, “Cik, kenapa tak boleh?” (Translation: :Miss, Why cannot?”) Still with that disgusted look on her face, she replied, “Tuala saja” (Translation: “Towels only”)

THEN SAY LAH!! Duh!

#1 Smart comment: “HOW OLD IS YOUR BOYFRIEND?”
Now this is a perfectly valid question if you know for sure that someone does in fact have a bf. But what if you don’t?

I was at a hair saloon doing my hair. I have been in that chair for 3 hours and my hairdresser was oblivious to my pain. He told me that he really enjoyed talking to me – except he failed to realized that he is the one doing all the talking. He say we have a real “connection”. And that I should smile more because I look angry when I don’t. So while I was trying to fake bobcat grin, he just casually mention,

“So, how old is your boyfriend?”

Now this is extremely sneaky because not once in that entire 3 hours did I mention I have a bf, nor did he ask. I wonder whether this assumption is a compliment or whether he is “fishing” for an admission. I must say this is quite clever tactic to find out whether a person is attached or not.

Because I wasn’t very amused at that moment since my butt has gone completely dead, I gave him an Anna Nicole Smith reply: “89”

Tip: If you meet a cute guy and wants to know whether he is attached, go on and ask after his ‘girlfriend’. If he say he doesn’t have one, fake surprise and say that you assumed he does because he is sooooooooo eligible and you cannot imagine him not being snapped up already. Guarantee results!

#1 Shocking comment: “NO GINCU ALLOWED!”
“Gincu” means lipstick in Malay. Now can you imagine where lipstick would be banned? Hmm… maybe in coffee shops so that cups are not stained or maybe in the bedroom before a songfest?

Me and Gayboy were sitting in a kopitiam reading the papers. Gayboy informs me that a new bylaw was passed in an unnamed state whereby women are not allowed to dress “sexily” to work. If she is caught and deemed “sexy”, she would be fined a minimum of $500. To make it even more elating, what is deemed “sexy” is not defined.

Finding that outrageous, I shared that piece of information with another friend, Dramaboy who commented that that is old news. Because apparently, the latest is:

“No Gincu allowed!”

The rationale is that women should not preen themselves because that will only provoke men to lust for them. If they do, then they are just asking for it because men are by NATURE horny creatures. Also if women don’t respect themselves to dress decently, why should they expect men to respect them? In short, the uglier the woman makes herself to be, the more respectable she is and less likely to be violated,

But….if the source of the problem is the rising of an untamed beast, how about making it mandatory for men to wear chastity knickers instead and letting women be beautiful as NATURE intended?

"Beauty is the wisdom of women. Wisdom is the beauty of men"