My meeting with Skeletor

Last year, I asked Toe to introduce her financial advisor to me. She told me she has two.

Frou: Which one is better?
Toe: Both are good.
Frou: Which one has better personality?
Toe: Both are equally ernest and boring.
Frou: Which one is better looking?
Toe: (pause) They both look the same.
Frou: Describe what they look like.
Toe: Skinny and scrawny with concave chests.
Frou: (frown) Oh dear.
Toe: I call them "The Skeletors".

It took me a year to call one of the Skeletors. I just couldnt bring myself to do it. Even though I know I need to get financially smart, the thought of sitting down and listening to someone (with concave chest) tell me what to do with my money makes me.. zzzz. I spent 1 minute every week for an entire year agonizing over calling a Skeletor and finally, a month ago, I finally did.

I had to Whatsapp Toe to tell her.

Frou: I did it!
Toe: Good girl! Where are you going to meet (she inserted an emoji emoticon of a skull)?
Frou: Downstairs from my work place. McCafe, maybe?
Toe: I met the same Skeletor at that McCafe!
Frou: Was it a good place to meet?
Toe: Let me warn you that there is an Auntie Annie pretzel store just opposite. While Skeletor was droning on about my money, I watched Auntie Annie make pretzels the entire time. I know how to make pretzel now. You want me to show you?

So I decided to meet Skeletor at a corner seat in Starbucks where my peripheral view is only of Skeletor. It was a difficult decision but a necessary one. You see, I am exactly like Toe when it comes to money matters - bimbotic and distracted. If you ask us what a hedge fund is, we will think of a bush. If you ask us what an endowment plan is, we will think of a male body part. At our age, it is appalling but unfortunately, that's how we roll.

It so happen I need to postpone my scheduled meeting with Skeletor twice... and from his text messages responses, I got a pretty good idea how 'ernest' he is going to be:

Frou's SMS 1: Sorry Skeletor, I can't meet you next week because I have to go for an overseas work trip.
Skeletor's enthusiastic SMS reply: That's okay! Please remember to buy your travel insurance!!

Frou's SMS 2: Sorry Skeletor. My meeting is running later. Can I meet you half an hour later?
Skeletor's enthusiastic SMS reply: No problem. Life is full of changes! We must always anticipate them!

You are kidding me....

When I finally met up with Skeletor, it was actually not as bad as I thought. No, I don't mean he was better looking than I imagined (he really does look a bit skeletor-ish) but I found myself (surprisingly) very interested in his advice on wealth protection and wealth enhancement and after hearing him out, I was both alarmed (to learn that I was doing everything wrong the past 20 years!) and hopeful (that things can be salvaged). Do I sound like a satisfied customer?

He also advised me on how to invest and he started talking (excitedly) about how when share prices fall, the value of the investment tends to decrease but if you are buying additional fund units at this moment, you can get more of them for the same amount of money and when share prices increase, the value of your investment will grow. That's quite a bit to swallow, right? He whipped out his iPad and insisted on showing me a youtube video of how this theory works (despite my protest). That video came with charts and questionaires (zzz) and worse of all, ROUSING music if you guess the wrong answer. I slumped into my chair in embaressment as Skeletor insisted on playing the video OVER and OVER again until I get it.

Just like a good guy after a first date, he followed up with me 2 days later with an email to say it was good meeting me and he hoped that I will consider his proposal (to buy his insurance policies) carefully and to get back to him at my convenience. I was reading his email while eating lunch at my desk and I choked at his parting statement:

Frou, remember, there are 3 ways people look at financial planning. 1st, ignore it and leave it to God's will. 2nd, absorb it by ensuring you have enough savings to meet future expenses and 3rd, buy insurance and transfer the risk to insurance companies. My question is.... which is YOU?

*Frou stabs herself with plastic fork from lunch box*