Bluffing comes easy to me..

…. when it involves buffet breakfast at hotels.

I think it stems from the fact that I strongly believe most hotels severely over-charge guests for their (usually crappy) buffet breakfast. How much does it cost to put out some buns and pay a tire looking fella to flip eggs at the egg station? Certainly not $30-50 per pax. You can buy 50 loaves of bread (at cost price) with that to feed 100 paxs so just imagine the hotel’s profit margin from feeding us crap.

So it goes without saying that I have always been quite a rogue when it comes to buffet breakfast at hotels. If it doesn’t come with the room, I wouldn’t pay for it additionally but I will still go for it (see below). Once I am in the buffet, I often develop a strange sense of entitlement which involves me eating beyond the allocated breakfast time and bringing food out of the restaurant – or even going back to get more food. For instance, I was once on a business trip in Korea with my boss and we were waiting for our cab to office when she casually remarked that she liked the sticky bun from our breakfast buffet and wished she could have one for lunch. I promptly marched back into the hotel restaurant, took 2 sticky buns from the buffet table and walked out. My boss’s mouth was agape when I passed her the buns. She asked me whether the hotel wait staff stopped me and I told her they didn’t say anything because I walked in there with my head held high as though I am entitled to the buns. (Lesson 1: When you act confident, it is unlikely others will question you.)

I did the same thing last weekend in Penang where I was vacationing with the gang. The Man wanted to sleep in so he skipped breakfast and I decided to bring back some pastries for him. I was openly putting pastries into napkins when one of the wait staff stopped me:

Waiter: Miss, what are you doing?
Frou: I am taking these pastries to eat. What is wrong with that?
Waiter: Are you bringing them out of the restaurant?
Frou: (indignant face) Of course not! We are not allowed to, right?
Waiter: Then why are you putting them in napkins?
Frou: I’m doing my part to save water.
Waiter: You can use a plate - here. (passes me a plate)
Frou: No, I want to save water! You can wash one less plate.
Waiter: Are you sure you are eating them in the restaurant?
Frou: Look, mister. My table is over there (points at random table). Do you want to escort me back?
Waiter: No, it’s okay.
Frou: GRR! (storm off and then run out of restaurant)

(Lesson 2: Think on your feet when caught. Make them question themselves for questioning you.)

As for how to get into the buffet without getting caught, you need to first research how they check you in at the door. If the system is to quote your room number, you can give a random hotel room number and pray that room is empty or that guest didn’t go for breakfast or their validation process is deficient. If it is a meal coupon system and you don’t have enough coupons, distract the door bitch by breaking up the group and have someone run in when the door bitch is not watching.

During the same trip in Penang, we made The Toe run in. To our dismay, the same (smarty pants) wait staff was the door bitch and he quickly caught on that something was amiss.

Frou: Table for four, please.
Waiter: Wait a minute, who is that girl who just walked in?
Frou: Who?
Waiter: That girl (points at Toe’s tailwind). Is she with you?
Frou: Who that? I don’t know her.
Waiter: (gives funny look)
Frou: (indignant face) Look, I said I don’t know who she is. Where is my table? Faster, we only have 20 mins left to eat.
Waiter: Alright. Sorry miss.

(Lesson 3: Even if it means denouncing your friendship with your BFF, do it.)

I’m sure by now my face is taped at the door of every breakfast buffet I’ve bluffed…..