One of the things that really riles me up is..

 ....when random people calls me up just to get (free) legal advice and expects me to be the Big Kahuna of all legal woes.

“ I just got into a car accident and the insurance company…. “
“My sister’s cousin’s friend is trying to get a divorce but her husband…”
“I want to sell this imitation of something I saw in China recently but…..”
“The other day my landlord says that the rent has be increased but we never….”
“I am at the police station but they don’t want to take down my statement…”

First of all, there is no such thing as a Big Kahuna in the legal world. Most lawyers are subject matter experts. It’s just like you won’t go to a brain surgeon if you have a stomachache, similarly, you shouldn’t go to a tax lawyer to advise you on child custody procedures.

That said, even if I am not Big Kahuna, I am usually happy to help find the answers or refer you to the right resources, BUT hello, I don’t even know who these people are. Usually, they are really random strangers – a friend of a friend, a cousin of someone’s friend who knows my mum, the long lost son of the uncle of a colleague at work, and so on. And their trademark line is always - "You won't charge me for this, right?"

Just like last week, I got a message from a long lost primary school friend on Facebook. When I say primary school, I mean when I was 12 years old. Which means the last time we spoke, we were probably arguing about who got the nicer looking pencil case 19 years ago.

Her message reads: “Hi. I heard you are a lawyer. Are you working in Singapore?”

I told myself, I will give her the benefits of the doubt. Maybe she just wants to catch up. Maybe she wants to organize a reunion. Maybe she is finally ready to admit that I had a better pencil case than her.

So I replied: “Yes. How have you been? I am in Singapore.”

Her reply: “I’m fine. I am a stay home mum. Hehe. Can I ask you some questions on Strata Title Board legislation?”

I don’t know what throws me off the most. The fact that I was so wrong to have given her the benefits of the doubt that she didn’t contact me for random legal advice….. or the fact that she mentioned she is a stay home mum and added “hehe” afterwards. Why the giggle? It is because she is secretly delighted to have succeeded to become what most women want to be, a tai-tai, or is she secretly guilty she doesn’t have to work while the rest of us have to slog to pay bills?

That’s still not too bad as I can reject her in English. I hate it when I have to do so in Chinese. Like when a distant cousin of mine, who never spoke to me during family gatherings, calls me up last week. She wanted to find out what is the veracity of the recommendation offered by the criminal lawyer of her husband’s deceased cousin with regards to getting expert witness into the court case. Trust me, getting those facts in MANDARIN was not easy, ok! I was surprised I even understood so far.

I had to gently break the news to her, as best as I can in my poor Mandarin, that I don't practice criminal law. She was absolutely aghast.

Distant cousin: (in Mandarin) But aren’t you a lawyer?
Frou: Well, yes.
DC: But you don’t go to courts?
Frou: (in sai Mandarin) No, I don’t. I also don’t work in a law firm.
DC: How can you not work in a law firm?
Frou: (in sai Mandarin) Because not all lawyers work in law firms.
DC: If they don’t work in a law firm, what do they do?

She really got me there. I don’t know to explain what I do in Mandarin. Worse still, I was driving while having this conversation. That was one very rough ride.

Let me digress a little here. There is a little known fact about the official black robe that a lawyer wears in court. If you look carefully, you will see a triangular piece of cloth attached to the left shoulder. This is representative of a money sack. Historically, lawyers are not allowed to be openly paid for work hence this money sack is for clients to place ex-gratia payments literally behind the lawyer’s back, to preserve their dignity. What I am driving at is, just like any profession, the legal profession is a noble one. We are taught that every civil citizen must be granted access to the legal system. In fact, every pupil in chambers (back in Malaysia) has to clock in time to perform pro bono duties. I used to sit in a tiny legal aid room for hours each day listening to the legal problems of people from the streets. These are people who are too poor to hire lawyers and from just listening to them, you can feel their genuine desperation. Most are abuse cases and I am expected to extract all details of the abuse in order to get them proper help. I go home depressed each day during that period.

That is why I say, there is a big difference between someone genuinely coming to you because they do not know or have the means to access proper legal help vs. random strangers who sheepishly try to extract free legal advice from you and then make you justify why you can’t help in a language you can’t speak well.

* bangs head against wall *