Suffice to say, I was smarmily out of place in my shorts and an oversized singlet with a picture of a skull.. in silver studs! Hahaha! I loved that singlet but Secretary Pig gave me a face when I picked it. (“A skull is a dead person. Why do you want to have a dead person on your clothes??!”).
It also didn’t occur to me to put on any makeup under the melting sun nor wear anything but flip flops. I walked behind some girls wearing heeled sandals just to see how they do it. Apparently the trick is to avoid the sandy parts (at the beach??) or cling on to some male counterpart for support. This is a great trick if you want to pick up guys, I suppose. (“Excuse me, mister. Can I hang off your arm while crossing this beach in my ridiculously out-of-place but extremely fashionable footwear? Ooohh..how big your biceps are!”
I also found out that beach parties for older people means little to no swimming. No one went near the waters, nor did anyone even bother wearing their swimmers except for me and the birthday girl. Good thinking on her part because she was (as expected) thrown into the pool. Most people thrown in were holding their drinks. They were screaming kids too. Imagine the alcohol, piss and chlorine all mixed together. Gross!
An adult beach party is also not a “get drunk and roll around the beach” kind of affair. Instead, you sip champagne under the cabana, have polite & civil conversation with one another and laugh daintily. Toe failed the "polite & civil conversation" part pretty badly. She said a particular "c" word too many times and a tad too loudly to a point some boys came and join our conversation because they were curious. Again, another way to meet men albeit not in the most dainty of manners.
I also noticed that nobody would put food in their mouths at an adult beach party. I presume it is because metabolic rates are down in your 30s and every ounce of carbs you inhale will show hence defeat your body fantastic look. Of course I didn’t realize no one else is eating and went ahead and consumed a whole 15oz burger with greasy fries. Thank god my skull singlet is loose!
Well, at least I was not the only one out of place. My other alibaba friends (e.g. Toi, Toe, Maro…) didn't get that memo too, so the bunch of us - misfits in shorts and slippers - sat together in a corner and got pretty drunk while playing a clever game Toe taught us. The game: Each of us has to give a 1 minute speech on a 1-word topic chosen by the group. The rules are: No repetition, no hesitation and no deviation. This means you can’t repeat the same points nor pause nor stray away from the topic. The Toe gamely gave a speech on “backside” while Toi compared his “muscles” to a particularly limp part of his body. Maro tried talking about why she likes “men” but couldn’t get the past "because I am not a lesbian". The Man was the worse. He couldn't even string a sentence together on, what should rightfully be, his favorite word “Frou”. Under pressure, he said instead, “I once met a name girl Frou”. (Fail!) For my turn, I went on a diatribe about how the "fishballs" from Old Chang Kee does not taste like fish and how people with fishball face should stay at home. Definitely try this game when you and your friends are well and truly drunk!
Speaking of well and truly drunk, I have another beach party to attend this weekend. But this time, it’s going to be a 20-something rave party by the beach. I’m pretty sure my skull singlet will not be out of place this time! :)
I refuse to grow up,
Frou
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