Now, that is a very awe-invoking fact, and obviously every princess’s dream wedding but alas, The Frou can only come up with the following when she heard that:
Frou: Huh? Authentic? What is authentic? Ghent very authentic meh?
The Queen: Authentic means they don’t copy other people lah!
Frou: Ohh.. you mean not like Singapore?
That euphemism aside (hehe), I was invited to go to Belgium and be part of the wedding. Now you must understand that in the world of best friends, the word “invite” generally means “if you don’t drag your ass here, you will never see the same face in the mirror again” and “be part of the wedding” roughly translates to "be my brideslave".
Now in case you are wondering, a brideslave is not to be confused with a bridesmaid. The latter is a privilege and almost a vice-bride who get all sorts of freebies including a free reign to the best man. A brideslave, on the other hand, is the bride(zilla)’s handmaiden and beck/call MINUS all the glamour.
I have been a brideslave roughly about…4 times now? Not that I am any good, mind you. I am one of the worst because (1) I am lazy, (2) I am unmotivated by weddings and (3) as the Queen not so diplomatically put it, I am quite useless. I don’t have any useful talents a respectable brideslave should posses. I can’t sing, I can’t cook, I can’t write calligraphy (useful for writing seating placement cards), I can’t organize kinky hen nights (I’m a prude), I can’t speak Flemish, I can’t count….
BUT my selling point is, I am willing to offer whatever the bride wants to get out of me for free which is mostly only my wits and a warm body….. and apparently that is okay with The Queen (She loves me! Or....she is very cheap? I dunno.)
So one week before the wedding, I am already on my way to Belgium because a brideslave should be physically around pre, during and post wedding. Because I am there early, I got to stay at Chocolate’s family home/farm which turns out to be one of the most cosy country house I ever seen. There isn’t much room so I have to sleep on the floor by the bridal couple’s bed – literally at their feet - which ironically befits my role as a slave.
But of course, I was far from being treated like one. For what it is worth, I was a very pampered slave and I don’t need to do much at all. I get to sleep in late – until The Queen set her hyperactive and neurotic Italian dog, Flavio, on me. (He is one of the ugliest dogs I ever seen - but extremely cute - think Kate Moss) Flavio will jump on me every morning and direct me downstairs to a fantastic breakfast made by either Chocolate or his mother ~ croissants, ham, cheese, scrambled eggs, bacon, hot chocolate…..YUMS!
Post-breakfast, we will do a bit of wedding preparation such as testing out the champagne (no complaints!), deciding on the flowers, organizing family meals, planning logistics, seating arrangements, writing placecards…Zzz. Mostly I just follow wherever The Queen go and offer some unintelligible advice on tough decisions such as, “This flower can?” (Frou: Cannot. They are ugly. Like your face.) or “This brand of champagne can?” (Frou: Need to try another glass first *Burp*)
Also, since this is a wedding, there are quite a bit of family thingamajids and since The Queen and her family consider me as part of the family, I get to tag along on road trips, home-cooked meals and I generally hang out with them when The Queen is too busy. The Queen’s family is loud, boisterous, loving and dramatic like any good old modern Indian family, and being with them is very comforting (and amusing!) for me. I am known as the Budak to them ~ which means child in Malay. Their most overused line throughout the trip is, “Budak, come and eat now!” (Mother Queen has brought 10kg worth of curry from JB to Belgium!!)
The Queen, Chocolate and I also hit the gym as part of the pre-wedding preparation, in an effort to look trim in our wedding glad rags. We went to a local gym nearby and it was a riot when the 3 of us tries to work out together. The Queen will be barking at us to do bicep curlss and tricep dips while I try to teach The Queen yoga poses such as the downward dog which she insist of calling by another animal which she learnt from pilates – elephant was it??
Two days before the wedding, I move into the houseboat with our friends who arrived from Germany, Australia and the States where we held a alibaba hen night party for The Queen. It was a fun and spontaneous night. We just hung out, drank wine, ate junk food, give each other massages and talk about our sex life. It has been a long time since we got together (we were all childhood friends) and we had a good time catching up.
On the wedding day, we all got up early to go to the hairdressers because all of us girls are going to have FABULOUS hair for the wedding. The hair salon turned out to be run by a bunch of gay guys dressed like Bruno. If you don’t believe me, check out what my hairstylist looks like.
He apparently did Miss Belgium’s hair for her beauty pagent the night before! How cool is that?
After a long session of loud trance music, champagne and hair spray, we emerge from the saloon… Fay looking like a Chinese Mohawk, The Empress with a Victoria Beckham bob, Bujayan with soft girly curls, me with a Audrey Hepburn French twist and The Queen looking like… A ROYAL QUEEN… we all set off to get ready for the church event.
The mass was held in this gorgeous old Victorian style cathedral in the middle of Ghent City. The church event was a very intimate and quiet event with only family and a few friends. One of The Queen’s friends, a famed tenor, sang Ave Maria during the service and it was absolutely beautiful. What was not so great was the fact that I had to do a reading, and being alibaba and non-Catholic, I ended up bowing at the priest instead of the crucifix. BUT I was told that I read with MUCH conviction and FEELINGS – which was quite a FEAT considering The Queen was in a fit of giggles when I read the DRAMA verse that Chocolate has chosen for me from the Song of Solomon, which goes:"LOVE IS STRONG AS DEATH, I am the rose of Sharon (pronounced as SHAH-RON) and lilies of the valleys…..As the lily among thorns, so is my love among the daughters.As the apple tree among the trees of the wood, so is my beloved among the sons. I sat down under his shadow with great delight, and his fruit was sweet to my taste. He brought me to the banqueting house, and his banner over me was love. Stay me with flagons, comfort me with apples: for I am sick of love. His left hand is under my head, and his right hand doth embrace me. Set me as a seal upon thine heart, as a seal upon thine arm: for LOVE IS STRONG AS DEATH; jealousy is cruel as the grave: the coals thereof are coals of fire, which hath a most vehement flame. Many waters cannot quench love, neither can the floods drown it. This is the word of the Lord."
Go on, try saying “Love is strong as death” with conviction and feelings – twice – and with the bride laughing in front of you - and you will know how difficult it was!!
Well, to be fair, I did laugh at her when I first saw the church booklet. She has chosen a cover that reads, “Today, I will marry my friend”
Frou: HAHHAHAHHAHAAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAH! *rolls on floor*
The Queen: Very funny meh?
Frou: HAHAHHAHAHAHAAHHAAHHAHAHA! *tears rolling down*
The Queen: Chocolate is my friend wat….
Frou: That is the cheesiest line I ever heard!
The Queen: If not, then what?
Frou: Today I marry my.... lover? The man who gives me the best sex? Or if you are Angelina Jolie, you can say father of my child....
Gagaggagagaga!
Ok, I just spent an hour typing this. Time for bed. More wedding tales later….
1 comment:
ruff you........forever!
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