Santa, I can explain....

All the bloggers in cyberspace are busy writing their year-end posts on 2008 accolades and 2009 new year resolutions. I figure I’ll jump on the bandwagon too - with a slight twist, of course. (Why are the ways of the Frou always slightly twisted?!)

This post blog title is something I lifted from a friend’s brochure for his café. I had a good laugh when I first saw it. He was advertising his café’s Christmas goodies and the tagline is beside images of cookies (meant for Santa) with teeth marks on them already.

Similarly, I’d imagine if I have to face Santa this year-end, I will indeed have some explaining to do as well….

Santa: Ho! Ho! Ho! Have you been a good girl this year, Frou?

Frou: With all due respect, Mr Clause, I have been nothing but good.

Santa: Right. Let’s verify that… (flicks through The Book) Hmm.. it says here that you have been a hardworking elf at work.

Frou: Yes sir. The company undergone massive downturn changes this year with dipping sales and personnel turnovers. My Mentor for the past 4 years resigned (and left me to ROT by myself) following which the structure of my department and work portfolio was changed drastically. However I have been a super adaptable at work and did not miss a beat despite all the uncertainties due to fear of being laid off during this global economic recession. So I have been working hard to prove my indispensability and I suppose I did an okay job because I was recognized for my hard work last month in the form of a letter by my new manager.

Santa: *Flips through said letter* It seems she gave you some reward money along with this letter, I see?

Frou: Yes sir. A grand sum of… ……..$100. *mumbles “stingy $#^*^ cheapskates!” to herself*

Santa: And what did you spend the money on?

Frou: Christmas presents for others, but of course. *hides receipts for spas with her manicured hands*

Santa: Very good. Next. It says here that the heart was broken this year.

Frou: Don’t we all, sir? It is no coincidence that God made the heart the strongest muscle in the human body. The heart IS meant to be broken because each time, it will heal and each time, it only gets stronger.

Santa: It took you a while and a lot of alcohol to come to that realization, didn’t it?

Frou: Indeed, sir. It is something I am not proud of at all but there are some damn good times….

Santa: Explain what are “damn good times”

Frou: I mean… *sheepishly* I have been told I am a lot more fun on alcohol.

Santa: Without?

Frou: Loud.

Santa: With?

Frou: Even louder still.

Santa: You should learn to be a gentler and calmer person. Speak your truth quietly. There is no need to shout so. It’s jarring for the soul and it makes people around you nervous. A life of reckless debauchery is all fun and games but at the end of the day, it is not a good look nor a good life.

Frou: I understand, sir.

Santa: Moving on. Have you been fulfilling your roles in relationships?

Frou: I think so, sir. As a daughter, I have been nothing but dutiful. This year, I have been visiting the nest a lot more often than I ever had in my life. Although been told by The Father that I am his prodigal child and has remained disgracefully unmarried at the age of 9 and 20 as compared to with the rest of my siblings, I am still a responsible and independent individual who has not asked for a penny since I entered the workforce.

As a sister, I have been nothing but helpful – having organized all their weddings, played de facto aunt agony to their problems and I enjoyed spending time with The Nephew.

As a friend, I have been nothing but…. err.. entertaining. Although not the most dependable but when friends do actually reach out for me, I aim to bring some form of happiness or fun because there is just too much gloom in this world and if nothing else, a little silliness and laugh is the least I can offer. I am happy to report that key existing friendships have improved this year. There is a survey question that ask if you are in dire situation and need to reach a friend, how many people will drop everything to be there for you. I count my blessings everyday that my answer to that question is nine.

Santa: That’s good to know. But despite all that, your personal happiness level *checks the graph on The Frou’s Chart of Emotional Contentment * is fluctuating on the low side….

Frou: After all, sir, it has been a tremulous year.

Santa: You don’t seem to be the type of person who indulges in misery. But the question is, and believe me, this is THE ultimate “Have you been good or bad?” question I ask all my children : Have you been good…. to yourself?

Frou: I admit that I need to fix the “life of reckless debauchery” aspect you mentioned earlier but other than abusing the body, I have to say that I have been fairly easy on myself on the emotional front. I summarize my learnings this year from 1 Corinthian 9-12: “When I was a child, I speak like a child, I think like a child, I reasoned like a child. But when I become a man, I put childish ways behind me. Now we see, but a poor reflection in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.”

Santa: What does that mean to you?

Frou: It means we have let go of our past and not be dominated by memories of those things that are painful and destructive. Whilst we may not understand why certain things happen to us, or perhaps we only know in parts, but if we choose to face them directly with a mature mind, all will be revealed to us in time.

Santa: And whilst those are being revealed, name me 3 of your “mature” resolutions for 2009.

Frou: I will be as specific as I can because vague resolutions are hard to fulfill.

1. I will exercise thrice a week, eat well and sleep at least 6 hours a day, except on weekends, public holidays and days when I just cannot be bothered which is limited to not more than 1 month in a calendar year.

2. I will finish an all-time classic novel in full (e.g. Leo Tolstoy’s War and Peace) or die trying. Meaning if I drop dead (out of boredom) in my apartment one day, it should be with said book clasped tightly to my chest.

3. I will develop a new talent I never knew I had. Even if it is knitting or catching bugs, both of which will come in useful in my old age.

Santa: That is fair enough. Ok, I have gathered enough information for me to make an informed decision on whether you have been good or bad this year.

Frou: And your conclusion is…..? *waits with bated breath*

Santa: I grade you “Fairly Good”.

Frou: Whaat the….?!! That is neither here nor there!

Santa: Look here, miss. Considering the number of things you are not revealing here that I have read about in The Book, you should count your lucky stars that…..

Frou: Ok! Ok! I accept the grading. *Grr…*

Santa: Good. I got to run. I have other children on my list to interview. Let me just get my reindeers….wait, who’s that girl over there petting Rudolph?

Frou: Oh. That is my friend, Dailytoe, sir. Don’t worry, she may be ditzy but fairly harmless.

Santa: Why is Rudolph looking so red?

Frou: Sir, he is supposed to be red so that he can guide your sleigh tonight.

Santa: His nose is supposed to be red but now his entire face is.

Frou: Uh-oh……

Santa: Wait a minute. Your friend was feeding him something from a bottle. What’s that bottle look like to you?

Frou: Santa, I can explain….

Rudolph: Zzz…