Who the fat fairy??

The Toe and I have risen to new heights of low blows. “Hi-lo,” she calls it.

After a particularly stressful week at work (with her screaming at idiot kids in school, and me dodging knives at work), we have taken to hurling insults at each other at the climb gym.

It started when I got bored with the routes I was climbing. Seeing that she is going on a better route, I went over and demanded that she gets off that route pronto……BIG GIRL.

That sparked off a very colorful diatribe about:

- What a tiny irritating insect I am (“You little gnat!”)

- What a weird creation gone-wrong she is (“You gangly all-limbs giraffe!”)

- What a short fart I am (“Lilliputian! BLEH!”)

- What an odd-ball of a monster she is (“Gulliver! Gulliver! Tied down by the Lilliputians!)

- How if I were to be a goat, I will be one of those small noisy billy goats always prancing around frantically and poking my horns into everyone’s butts and annoying the shit outta everyone.

- How if she were to be a goat, she will be one of those old and demented nanny goats who are often left out of the pack because she is a ‘has been’ (think Grizabella in Cats) and is often found chewing cigarette butts and used plastic bags by her lonesome self.

- How my man-muscles makes me look like one of those back-up transvestite dancers in Phat Pong, Bangkok.

- How her man-muscles makes her look like ‘Tranny of the Year’ in Phat Pong because she is the type that will go as far as surgically removing all male components in order to win that acclaimed title.

The insult that topped the chart is when a young toddler (son of one of the climbers) sat down next to us to watch me climb. He was staring with stars in his eyes as I danced on the rocks because he has never seen such an amazing sight before (hah! hah! hah!) but The Toe surreptitiously sidled up to him and said, “Look, it’s a fairy. A FAT FAIRY. Look at Fat Fairy fly! Even a Fat Fairy can fly!”

Wouldn’t you like to know what happened when Fat Fairy descended back down on earth…..