I am not talking about the ability to maneuver a machine with tires and a steering wheel. I am referring to the qualities a person must possess to be able the withstand the aggression of crossing the borders. That’s right, aggression….antagonism….hostility – whatever you like to call it, bottom line: it is absolutely vile!
Last Saturday, it took me 2 ½ hours to get from Tuas Checkpoint to JB City which is approximately 40 km. To put it in perspective, let’s say if someone was traveling at 80km/hr, he/she would have covered that distance in ½ hour (inclusive of customs processing). It took 5 times longer.
Most Singaporeans would have read the headlines in the Straits Times last week regarding the imposition of fines on cars who cut queue leading up to the Customs. Sadly, Malaysians do not appear to knowledge of this. Or even if they had, it is in their nature to be “resilient” to such regulations.
Which explains the extra time I spent at Tuas. I was literally fighting off other drivers (mostly my “resilient” fellow countrymen) who were trying to cut into my lane after I have spent hours queuing like a law-abiding goondu. I also have to fend off motorists who swerve around me precariously, blocking the designated car lanes. In that entire 2 hours, I had my steering wheel on grip-lock, body perched forward and eyes darting like eagles.
My first antagonist was this FAT man in a white Proton MyV with a Johor number plate. I was merely two inches away from the car in front of me but he still swerve in between us violently, forcing me to jam brake. We fought for the next 5 minutes, with me inching forward as close as I could to close the gap. However, he was relentless; I imagine with the same tenacity as the way he eats judging by how FAT he is. I started honking my horns repeatedly which startled him. He looked at me through his side mirror, his PIG face red with annoyance, and he wound down his windows. If that is the cue that he wants to take it outside, I am all game for it. I raised to my full height in my seat (lucky I was behind the wheels so he couldn’t tell how stumpy I actually am, eeks!) and started gesticulating and letting off a slew of Hokkein words I learnt from Dailytoe. His passenger who is this bland and boring looking woman, presumably his mousey wife, turned around, saw that I was no little miss sunshine, quickly nudge him to wind up the window and move on. Miss Mousey then proceeds to use a piece of blanket to cover the windows to BLOCK out any views I could have of them! OH! If only I had another a passenger in my car who could take over the wheel, I would have got down my car and…..
SMS from Dailytoe: “Can you please don’t fight at the causeway. I don’t want to see you on the headlines of The New Paper tomorrow!”
My second antagonist is a middle age uncle driving another JB car. He tried the same trick as Fatty but this time, I gave him looks that would have killed lesser beings i.e. beings who don’t know the meaning of waiting in lines. He quickly steer his car away from my path with a nervous wave and smile.
And so it goes on, one antagonist after another. I manage to fend off a few,but there are some drivers whom I clearly am no match for:
- Ah Bengs with straw-coloured hair and arms dangling out of their cars holding a cigarette
- Scary looking Indian men, especially if they are in pairs.
- Weathered looking uncles with beat-up cars (who are not afraid of getting their cars even more beat up)
- Any supped up sports car that is vibrating to feng tao music.
SCARED!! -__-“
I am a little apolegetic for my lousy display of graciousness but seriously, I just couldn’t stomach it. The injustice is boiling and stewing in my blood. Why can’t everyone just get in line and wait in an orderly queue like decent human beings? My time is just as precious as yours –I have waited an hour in line to get there, and you just cut into my lane to save an hour of your own time? Where is your moral integrity? Human courtesy? Mutual respect? Civic-mindedness?
ARGHH... I am using terms Singa the Courtesy Lion would use!!!
3 comments:
You can try challenging those souped up vibrating sports car as well bcos usually
they just fixed up that shiny new white bumper so they're not so keen on getting it banged up. Goes without saying that you should check to see how many Ah Bengs/Lians are stuffed into the sports car and whether its travelling in a pack - dun want you having your trotters parang-ed off. But if its just one skinny Ah Beng with a comb and his anorexic Ah Lian with her Sonia Rykiel handbag, I'm sure you can take them on.
Good luck,
Aggro Pig
PS: You do realise you have become (horrors!) Sinkarporhean-nised!!! Dun worry, I know just the cure, stay longer in HK next time and all the fighting with mainlanders for MTR seats/walking down the street space/breathing air will prime you up for your next Tuas battle :)
Frou, HK pig is right. You sound so Singaporean. But, I totally understand. They need to find Mat Selamat. I think this is in retaliation that there is a long queue on the Singapore side due to each person having to be finger-printed.
Time to go into JB in the wee hours in the morning. If not, it just ain't worth it!
OH MY! Secretary pig also uses "Sing-kah-poh-rien'.. did she copy from me??
Anyhoo, a few points -
1. MYVI is not by Proton (its Perodua okayyy). Zippy is insulted.
2. The antagonists sound like our friend who just moved to Singkahpoh. He doesnt have straw colored hair nor drive supped up sports car but I think we both agree that you are no match for him.
3. Do you think he will one day become sing-kah-poh-reanised like you are now? Maybe hor? I won't hold my breath though.
-Phirripig
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