Muay Thai Babes

When The German and I decided to take up kick-boxing, I told her that we absolutely cannot join one of those aerobic type classes where you do a sequence of punches and kicks to the tune of Madonna's latest hits. This effectively narrows our choice down to the 'real deal' boxing gyms.

This is how we found ourselves standing in a stuffy room with 7 other smelly men, facing a slightly obnoxious Muay Thai instructor last night.

Being the only females in the class, The German and I felt slightly challenged initially but that dissipated quickly when we had a good look at the rest of the students. 4 of them were pudgy just-out-of-NS boys, 1 fat Caucasian man, 1 wannabe Ah Beng (who bought new gloves before even knowing how to throw a punch) and 1 clueless expat dude who was the nicest of them all because he took the initiative to introduce himself. Taking his cue, I offer my hand to the Ah Beng next to him who gave it a limp shake without looking me in the eye. Fail!

"OK we warm up now. We should be running but we can't because by the time you guys come back from running, we have to close shop already," barked our no-nonsense Instructor.

The alternative to running is skipping using awful yellow plastic "ropes". I really screw this part up because I can't skip (I suck at Zero Five in primary school!) but The German is a natural since she skip a lot during her basketball training back in Frankfurt. "But that was in my early 20s," she laments afterwards. "I shouldn't be skipping now. I'm old bones. They rattle."

After skipping, we have to do push-ups. Now this is the tricky bit. In a room full of boys, do we do it 'boy style' (on your toes) or 'girl style' (on your knees)?
Because the two of us are macho shit, we did it on our toes like the rest of the boys. As it is similar to the chaturanga pose in Astanga Yoga, I was able to make it but then again, we don't do chaturanga 30 times in succession!

After The Instructor demonstrated a series of shadow boxing and kicking moves, we were told to put on a pair of boxing gloves. I ask him if they come in sizes and he gave me a resounding 'no'. He was definitely patronizing because I can stretch out my entire palm in the pair of gloves I got. And in case you are wondering about public gloves, yes, they really, really stink.

We were then told to practice the series of punches we've learned earlier on the sandbag. It is rather fun I must say, although excruciatingly painful. Maybe it was because the gloves were oversized and we have to grip it in a tight fist, it felt like I was holding on to a very big jug (i.e. a big climbing hole) and exerting force on it. My wrists and knuckles started hurting. I kept thinking to myself, 'this bad for my climbing, this is bad for my climbing.....' but The Instructor's eagle eyes were watching (especially us girls) so I couldn't stop. I think I kind of ended up tapping the bag instead.

The German, on the other hand, was having trouble with her sequencing which goes all awry once she starts punching or kicking. "Which foot is supposed to land where again? And that stupid sand bag is moving all over the place!"

I had to keep myself from giggling out loud when The Instructor barks at us in his Singlish. "Ok, you know, you can upper cut like this. But if you do it like this, you look very ugly. So, we must do it more stylo-milo. We duck first, then we upper cut. Geddit?"

The German didn’t get it so I explain that ‘stylo-milo’ means ‘in style.’ Perhaps Phillip would have used the word ‘fabulous’ instead.

Next, we kick. I learnt that Muay Thai is not the same as regular Kickboxing in that the latter is a modern adaptation of the former by Japanese martial artists. In Muay Thai, there is only one type of kick which is the roundhouse. When executing a roundhouse kick, it has to be in a single momentum. When you lift your leg, you need to start throwing your punching hands downwards and turn your pivoting feet the other way. The contact point is the shins only. The Instructor barked, "If you hit with your feet, they are going to break. Geddit? If you don't believe me, try it yourself." The German whispered to me, "Where are my 'shins'?"

Pretty soon, the bunch of us was turning red in the face from all the exertion. The Instructor ordered that we must open our mouths when we are throwing a punch. "Because if you keep it all in, you will explode. Geddit?" Short of saying 'Heeee-YAHHH', we have to make hissing sounds instead. The 9 of us were hissing to oblivion after learning this.

When we remove our gloves afterwards, the stench is unbearable. I quickly dash for a squirt of anti-bacterial sanitizer and was the first one to the sink to wash my hands with perfumed soap. The German was second in line. The two of us took our time really scrubbing our hands down while the rest of the class stood quietly behind us waiting for their turns. That was definitely the most 'girly' thing we did all night!

Before we left, The Instructor commented that he is going to have an easy time with us because 'this class is not bad.' It would have been fine if he left it at that but he added, "......even with girls."

I got a feeling that I might 'accidentally' hit target when he ask me to shadow punch his face next week.....


This is coincidentally, one of my favourite Thai movies.