Conversation with the Mistress of Spices

When you live across 2 oceans from your best friend with a time difference of 7 hours, it becomes important that phone conversations are kept concise yet not lacking pertinent updates.

Over the years, we have mastered the art of giving updates in the shortest of time. Here are 3 key rules we usually follow:

1. Go straight to the topic. Do not waste time on pleasantries like Hello, How are you? How’s the weather?
   
2. Change topics quickly so you can catch up on more. It doesn't matter when and how.
   
3. Do not go into details. When in doubt, clarify through emails later.

Here's an example of our very short conversation yesterday evening. I believe we covered at least 7 topics....

[Phone rings]

The Queen: (Without greetings, as usual) I like your Muay Thai instructor. He says 'stylo-milo.
Frou: Yeah, he speaks like talking to friends down at the kopitiam.
The Queen: Did you know that I took Muay Thai back in Uni for two years?
Frou: Was your instructor like mine?
The Queen: No, he treated me like a boy.
Frou: How is that possible? Your boobs so huge
The Queen: I had to bind them
Frou: You WHAT?
The Queen: Yeah lar. What to do? So, where is The Boy?
Frou: Somewhere in the mountains.
The Queen: Doing what?
Frou: Not sure. Maybe monitoring the protest in Tibet.
The Queen: Where's next? Afghanistan? I have 2 friends working there. One in Kabul, the other in Mazar-el-Sharif
Frou: Wah! How to pronounce the last word again?
The Queen: I'll email you. Anyway, I ask them to buy me an Afghan carpet
Frou: Cool! Can I get a weaved basket? By the way, have you seen R's new baby boy?
The Queen: No but she is bringing him to Paris.
Frou: What is his name?
The Queen: Micah Gautier Ritesh Debains
Frou: I cannot pronounce again.
The Queen: I'll email you. I recommended that Indian element to the name.
Frou: Why Ritesh? Why not something more Malaysian like... Abu Bakar?
The Queen: Next time... for your kid. So what are you eating tonight?
Frou: Banana Leaf rice
The Queen: OH MY GOD. Yums! Now I also want Indian food.
Frou: You can't. Your email said that you had a rack of lamb, roasted potatoes, asparagus, blueberry soured cream cake and a WHOLE bottle of red wine to yourself last night.
The Queen: I was on a date. With myself.
Frou: How did you even find time to cook all that?
The Queen: Easy. Before I leave for work in the morning, I pound the spices, and then marinate the lamb....
Frou: You pound your own spices?
The Queen: Hello, I'm Indian. I used that thing...err...you know...that clay thing that makciks use to tumbuk the chili to make curry.
Frou: Sheesh, I forgot what's that called too. I'll find out and email you. So anyway, how about dating yourself at the gym tonight instead?
The Queen: Can't. My pilate instructor is on leave until after Easter. Okay, time's up. Going for my meeting now.
Frou: Bye! Lova ya!

In case you are wondering, I found out that the unnamed kitchen equipment is a called a "mortar and pestle."

And yes, my best friend pounds her own spices. Like Aishwarya Rai.