Literally speaking, he is just not that into you

Miranda: So after dinner, he sent me home and gave me a peck on the cheek and said he will call me. He didn't but he sent me an email today asking me how I was. Charlotte: Oh that's very good. It shows he really likes you and didn't want to rush into things. Miranda: Yes, I think so too. We had a good time, didn't we? Carrie: He definitely likes you but he is just shy. Berger: Erm... sorry to break the ice to you but from the sound of it, he's just not that into you.

The above is one of the most famous dialogue from Sex and the City which sparked a huge uproar amongst womankind and was subsequently made into a bestseller book with the same title as the catchphrase: "He's just not that into you"

Here's my little secret. I have a copy of this book. And I have read it a few times over. It contains absolutely nothing that I do not already know but it still feel damn good everytime I re-read it. It's like a knock on the head that women can be so stupid sometimes in love that we lose all rationality and sense when it comes to men. And worst still, worthless men.

Basically in a nutshell, the book says that men, in general, are extremely SIMPLE AND NON-COMPLICATED. Meaning if a man is not into you, you will definitely know. He will not call you, he will not ask you out, he will not keep his appointments with you, he will not leave his wife for you and he will not be a bastard. Women who sit around making excuses for bad behaviours from their partners are just wasting time because men's actions should be taken very very literally.

Literal example 1: If a man says he will call you but he didn't - it is not because he is in a coma after a bad car accident whereby your phone number was splattered with blood. It just means you are not on his mind. That's all.

Literal example 2: If a man is always too busy with work/family/soccer or pet hamster commitments to go out with you, it doesn't means that he is a great careerman/son/athlete or animal lover. You are simply not as important as his work/family/soccer or pet hamster. That's all.

Literal example 3: If a man is very affectionate to you and calls you sweetie pie and honeybee and say "I love you" in bed, it doesn't mean that you are his sweetie pie and honeybee and he loves you. It means you are his sweetie pie and honeybee and he loves you in bed That's all.

I once had a similar Sex and the City conversation with a straight guy friend. I was ranting on and on about this boy I am dating who is giving me mix signals. I dissected every conversation I had with the boy and I gave examples of how maybe bad childhood incidents have caused such strange behaviours. I was going to launch a heavy discussion on how I can approach him in the most un-intimidating ways when my straight guy friend stopped me and said, "Look, if a guy really likes you, he will come to you. You don't have to do anything"

OUCH!

So does it mean that we girls just have to sit around and wait for the perfect guy who will be into us and show us all the right signals?

Apparently so. I think with age comes a certain level of weariness about bad boys. As we grow older, we have less energy to be deal with bad behaviours, rejections and waiting for the phone to ring. My best friend, the Queen, will say, "What for, wasting time".

Moving forth, I will be extremely beauratic in the literal translation of man's behaviour. If he behaves like a 15 yr old, I will treat him like a 15 yr old. I will not assume that he is a 30yr old man with unresolved childhood issues with his mother.

And just because he is not that into me doesn't mean I am not fabulous. It just means that he is too thick to notice my fabulousness. Literally.

"Too many men, don't waste my time" - Eric Tsang in 'He's a woman, She's a man'