The "good" in goodbyes

The 'last x-change' is a term I use to refer to the last meeting between parted couples to finish unfinished business. By unfinished business, I mean whatever that is preventing proper closure.

The first thing most people do after a breakup is to get rid of each other's physical stuffs. It is somewhat like getting rid of all evidence that this person was ever in your life before. That's why most last exchanges involve returning keys, toothbrushes and other leftover personal items as well as payment of debts and favours. If the the breakup is not so amicable, it could be throwing charred personal items at each other, custody battles of plants, pets, playstations etc. etc. etc.

Tangible items aside, last x-changes are also useful to vent out your last emotions for each other - finally saying the words that you never had a chance to say when you were together or even begging for a final chance. Of course there is also the 'goodbye shag', or for the dumper, the 'pity shag'. Most psychiatrist will advise you against this but who is to say that last x-changes cannot be of bodily fluids......

Why I suddenly thought of this subject is because I just moved house yesterday and as I was taking one final dramatic look at the empty driveway, I saw the spot where I did the last x-change with an ex-boyfriend.

I remember that day very clearly. It was late in the evening and he had a prior appointment so we promise to make it short and sweet. In the end, it took 3 hours longer than anticipated and extremely sour. Unlike most others, our last x-change is purely of words. We talked, we bantered, we complained, we begged, we frowned - we couldn't reach an agreement. I finally stumped out my 20th cigarette and the last I ever heard of him is the sound of his bike leaving the driveway. Hypothetically and literally zooming out of my life. That was a bad closure and I felt robbed. It still gives me a nightmare these days whenever I hear bikes in an enclosed driveway.

Lately, I had to do a 'mini' last x-change again but this time, I would like to think that I've learnt. The whole process was undramatic and clean. He came over, we had polite conversation much about nothing, he handed over the key, I returned him an item on loan and we parted ways with a 2 seconds goodbye kiss.*

* Ok ok... that was grossly understated. It was actually a lot harder than it sound in reality. I had to run back home afterwards and listen 'Hole in the Head'* on repeat mode.

My point is,

They say that whilst men do not know how to say goodbye, most women don't know when to say it. Irregardless whether you are good at it or not, please remember that NOT saying goodbye at all is WORSE. It is the least you can do to respect an ending relationship. Broken or otherwise.

"Seven hours since you went away.
Eleven coffees, Rickki Lake on play
But late at night when I'm feeling blue,
I'd sell my ass before I think of youuuu....."
-"Hole in the Head" by Sugarbabes