Walk with me

It was raining this afternoon during my smoke break. I was staring at the rain and thinking of a perfect life.

In such a life, I would still be doing exactly what I am doing now - working in the same company, earning the same salary, eating the same fanfare and climbing the same rocks. But in my perfect life, all my beloved (currently far away) friends are within close proximity and are with me anytime I wish to see them. And I will never feel, for any one second, lonely.

Such is my idea of a perfect world.

A good friend once informed me that I am a very self-sustaining person. I do not strive to sustain friendships which are not within my physical reach. This means that if a friend leaves, I am able to quickly seek another to fill in that gap without much tears.

What people fail to see is that this is not due to lack of sentiments but merely a defence mechanism.

Over the many many years, too many people have nonchalently walked in my life, leaves a huge impact and then bolt off to a better life somewhere. Of course during their stay, we laughed, we had fun, we cried, we go through shits and we grow up. But as life dictates, nothing will remain the same forever. Nature is all about change. People never stay.

Sometimes to survive goodbyes, one need to master the art of disengagement and letting go. Quickly. So much so that I have adopted a huge sense of indifference to people in general. Sometimes even resentment.

On bad days, I ask myself: Why do people walk into my life, get all they can get out of me and then leave for better greener pastures whilst I remain here, exactly the same, waiting for the next person to come by and do the same? Am I some sort of stop-by resthouse for tired travellers to drop in, have a few drinks and feel better about themselves before continuing their journey?

On good days, I tell myself that this rest-house is absolutely fabulous and is part of my destiny - my Lord's gift to restless souls everywhere.

We all have to walk our own paths. Some people's path may crossed with yours at certain junctions and you may have a campanion to walk with for a while. But we all keep moving forward, opening new doors and doing new things because we are curious. Curiosity keep leading us down new paths. Eventually, our paths will diverge because we are walking different journeys. When this time comes, you have to walk on your own again.

Maybe it's time to pay more attention to my own journey.

The road is long, watch out for divergence signs along the way...

I specially dedicate this to my good friend, Mashimaro. I think it's time we put up our 'TUTUP' sign and maybe stop for a drink at other rumah rehat - what say you? :)