Don't ask, don't get

Ask and it shall be given unto you, Seek and you shall find. Knock and the door shall be open unto you. Hallelu, Hallelujah (Luke 11:9)

I used to be picked up from home in the morning for breakfast before being sent to work by this fearsome girl called Bao. It was a good life. Her only request for such service is that I entertain her with stories during breakfast, which I have no problems obliging. The only problem is, I am not a morning person. I whine, a lot. So between stories, I will find some excuse to slid in a few complaints here and there. The reason why I said she is 'fearsome' is because no matter how sneaky I am in masking my complaints as part of my stories, I never get any sympathy votes from her. Whenever I raise my fist to heaven and bemoan, for example, “why didn't that cute guy at last night party even give me a second look?”, her standard response (accompanied by a bored blank look) is, “Your fault, my fault? Don't ask, don't get”*.

*Translation:
"Your fault, my fault? Don't ask, don't get" in full sentences simply means, "Is it anything to do with me that you are one dumbass? If you don't open your big fat gob and ask for it, don't expect it to fall onto your lap".

Most people are not mind readers and if you are thick skinned enough to ask, you will almost always get an answer. This is tricky. Growing up, I don't have a problem with the 'asking' bit. It is the answer NO that I am worried about. During college, I have opened my mouth and asked for a new tennis racquet, more pocket money, new pair of jeans etc. Answer is always 'No, no, no'. In work, I've asked for better pay, coffee deliveries and a big ass director chair which allows me to swivel 360 degree. The answer is still a resounding, 'No, no, and no'. In relationships, I have asked for the toilet seats to be put down, foot rubs and piggybacks up to my apartment. The answer is still (encore), No, no and no! So, what do u mean by don't ask, don't get? Ask already, still don't get! How much rejection can one girl take??

My friend Choon tried rationalizing it to me using mathematical probabilities.

Choon :
You see, if you don't pick up the phone and call him, the probability of you seeing him again is..?

Frou :
10%

Choon :
Where did 10% come from?

Frou :
KL so small, sure got chance.

Choon :
Too optimistic. Make it 1%. So, if you do call him, the chances of actually seeing him again is…?

Frou :
0%!!!!!!!

Choon :
Rubbish, it is at least 50%. At least you have a straight up answer, yes or no. No more guessing. If it's yes, good for you. If it is no, he can kiss your hot ass goodbye.

Ok, I twisted the last part. Choon will never call my ass hot. BUT his point is, 50% of success in a pro-action action versus 1% if left to fate. The numbers speak for themselves.

Now I have some inspiring 'Ask and you shall get' success stories to share:

Success Story 1:
Girl A went for an interview with Company A, with optimistic view of getting the job because three other similar companies have offered her. She got rejected. The offers from the other three companies have lapsed. Desperate, she picked up the phone and called Company A screaming, ‘Why you don’t want me? I am a damn good worker. Ask the others!!’. Company A was in shocked and awe and replied no other applicant has ever done that before. Company A offered her a position immediately.

Success Story 2:
Girl B lives overseas and is coming back to Singapore for a holiday to see her best friend, Girl C. Girl B knows that Girl C is a wuse so Girl B called Girl C’s boss and sweetly explained that she is coming back from overseas and would like to spend some time with Girl C. Girl B sweetly demanded that Boss gives Girl C a day off. Boss is taken aback with such an unusual request. Boss granted the leave to Girl C.

So there you go ladies and gentlemen. The trick to 'don't ask, don't get' is that there has to be an element of shock somewhere. If you shock someone enough with an out-of-the-world request, more often than not, you will get a positive response.

I say; don't shock, don't get!