Got kick but don’t taste like shit

As you all know, we are experiencing hazy days in Singapore and the Gahmen has advised the nation to stay indoors, avoid diuretic such as alcohol and reduce all physical outdoor activities.

On the other hand, I received the following message from The Toe on Whatsapp:

Is the haze getting you down? (emoticon of clouds)
Need a remedy? (emoticon of a person wearing face mask)
Fret not; frown not! (emoticon of monkey covering face)
Alcohol’s the answer to this tragedy (various emoticons of alcohol beverages)
When: Tmr night
Where: Hood 5th floor Bugis + (got live band and Guinness on tap)
Why: Drink the haze away!
Come one, come all!

As conflicting as it sounds, you just can’t argue with the logic of “drinking the haze away” (since any time is a good time for us). Also, she got some pretty nifty use of emoticons going on in that message.

Which is why, I found myself in da Hood last Saturday night, watching The Toe engaged in some serious conversation with two (yes, two) bartenders. The music was loud and she was shouting and gesticulating wildly, “We want strong shots that don’t taste nasty. Got kick but don’t taste like shit. Understand?” You have to admire how succinct my BFF is when instructing for alcohol.

The band playing that night was made up of 5 young Chinese boys singing a very odd mix of music – in English, Mandarin and Cantonese. After a couple of rounds of those kicky shots, the Toe told me I showed her a side of me she never knew. Apparently, not only did I know all the Chinese songs they were singing, I knew the lyrics. Apart from Beyond and Faye Wong, the song that takes the cake that night was the quintessential ‘growing pains” song from the very dark ages of Mandopop. If you are born in the 70s, I bet you know this - Red Dragonfly - by the all time popular boy band, Little Tigers. Oh boy, that song really brought me down memory lane. I must have been, what, 12 years old when I last heard it. Nicky Wu (from Little Tigers) is a bona fide old uncle tiger now.

In line with me feeling 12 years old again, The Toe and I played a very irritating children (chewren) game. She pointed at the 5 boys on stage and asked me to pick who I would “Shoot, Shag or Marry” (“SSM”).

Let me describe the 5 boys to you. Boy #1, the lead singer, was wearing an oversize tee and had a greasy fringe flopping into his eyes all night. The Toe nudged at me and said he is also a lawyer. I nudged her back and told her I want to lure him to a bathroom only to give him a good hair wash. Boy #2 was a decent looking chap and he wears a fedora so I don’t know if he has oily hair or not but he looks freakishly like my friend and fellow blogger, Tetanus. Boy #3 was a skinny pretty boy who looked like he can be the face of any Korean cosmetic company. Boy #4 spotted a ponytail and blended into the background. Boy #5, the drummer, is your regular boy next door but spews curses like a sailor.

The Toe gave me a few permutations during the game. For example, she will say between Boy #1, 2 and 3, which one will you SSM? The game started to lose its appeal when we realize that in ALL permutations, we both want to shoot the oily lawyer, shag the pretty boy and we keep forgetting to include the wallflower. Anyway, the next time you find yourself out drinking with your friends, give this chewren game a go. It’s irritatingly hilarious.

We ended the night with me driving everyone to a supper of frog legs, raw fish and deep fried pig intestines porridge in Chinatown which really hits a spot – yums! My conclusion is, drinking (playing silly games, singing Chinese songs and eating assorted animal parts) won’t make the haze go away, but it certainly beats staying indoors dwelling about it. Hope the bad air goes away soon!

Here’s a walk down memory lane for some of you... (note their cheesy 'safari' outfits! haha!)