I am sold!

My dad is a doctor. Ok, in this time and age, I should be clearer – my dad is a western doctor. As a kid, I have never gone to a clinic whenever I’m sick. I just need to wait for dad to come home and tell me what to do. My mum, on the other hand, is a huge believer of eastern medicine or what they call these days, “TCM” (traditional Chinese medicine).

As we all know, eastern and western medicine practices are disparate and they sometimes conflict with each other. This is because each practice views the human anatomy differently. Western medicine is based on proven scientific studies on how our body function whereas the Chinese (like many other things) have their own concept on how things goes e.g. the balance of ying and yang energy and whatnots.

To my dad’s credit, he did give TCM a shot. He told me he went to China for a year to study acupuncture. When he graduated, he came back and tried practicing it in his clinic but gave up after a while. He told me that, first of all, the risk of acupuncture outweighs the benefits i.e. the benefit of the treatment may or may not materialize but the chances of you sticking the needle in the wrong place and rendering someone spastic is definitely present. Secondly, he said it was too time-consuming. An acupuncture treatment takes at least an hour whereas if he gives an injection of medicine to treat the same thing, it works within minutes. “I can see at least 10 patients in an hour. With acupuncture, I am spending a whole hour on just 1 patient!”

It was no fun having parents who have conflicting views on how MY body works. For example, I had bronchitis as a child and my case was rather severe. Whenever I get an attack, my dad will be pumping me up with inhalers and Ventolin tablets. When it is particularly serious, he brings home a machine (akin to what they have in hospitals) to help me breathe. At the side, my mum will be feeding me a lot of vile Chinese concoction that she got from famous ‘senseis’ or the cousin of an uncle whose trusted friend is a monk from a famous mountain. I used to ask her, “What is this??” and she will always say, “This is what will make you better”. “What about the stuff dad is giving me?” I replied. She will turn stern and say, “Just drink it! And don’t tell your dad!”

There was once during family dinner, I showed everyone a rash on my skin and my mum quickly retrieved a foul smelling ointment. She said she got it from a Chinese dude from the streets in China. When we all protested, my mum related the story on how the Chinese dude’s assistant stuck sharp sticks into him and torched him with fire but when he applied on this particular ointment, lo behold, the burns and cuts disappeared almost instantaneously and he was bouncing on his feet again. She calls it the “Miracle Ointment” and she insist on rubbing in on my rash. I heard my dad mumbled softly to himself, “What hocus pocus!”

So, with two parents who do not dare to openly criticize each other’s medical beliefs and who did not stop each other’s practice on the kids, I basically have to deal with 2 sets of treatments whenever I am sick. And I supposed because of that, I am partial to both western and eastern medicine although I tend to veer towards western more simply because it is more accessible i.e. I don’t know where to find the monks who produces miracle creams.

Anyway, the other day, I THOUGHT I sprained my shoulders after sleeping on it funny - you know how you sometimes wake up with aches and pains after sleeping in a weird position? Usually such aches go away after a couple of hours but mine stayed for a week despite me sleeping the “correct” way subsequently. I tried stretching, going for massages and slapping on muscle sprain stickers but nothing works. I made a bad decision of going to the gym with that ache and halfway running on the treadmill, I felt an acute pain in my shoulder joint. I think what happened was the impact of me pounding on the treadmill travelled up my spine and made the sprain worse.

The Man and I debated whether I should go see a chiropractor or a “tui na” (TCM) doctor. My first choice was to seek out a chiropractor but unfortunately it was a Sunday and no chiropractor clinics are open on Sundays so by default, I had to go see a tui na “doctor” (do we call them that?) instead. We have NO idea where to find one so we consulted our friend, Mr. Google, who spat out a HDB address in Bukit Merah.

500m away from Dr. Tui Na’s clinic, I already knew we are at the right place… because the smell of Chinese oil is simply overwhelming. We followed the smell and found the clinic – exactly as I imagined it; with golden dragons statues, Buddhist chants and all. I hid behind The Man as we walked in because the place is quite intimidating. The Man, in his Hokkein glory, called out to Dr. Tui Na (it is an “open clinic” with no doors) whose back was turned. Dr. Tui Na gestured for us to come in. No pleasantries. He asked (in Mandarin) who needs the treatment and I put up my hand obediently.

“Sit”, he pointed at a wooden stool facing the wall – with 2 handlebars in front of me. Oh my gawd – you mean it is so painful people need to grip the handlebar??! Is he also going to hand me a stick to bite on??

I gestured to The Man to explain my ailment to Dr. Tui Na but before The Man can say anything, Dr Tui Na placed both his hands on my shoulders and announced he knew what was wrong. (EHH?? )

“Re chi,” he said.

I learnt enough from my mother to what that means. It basically means I am too “heaty”, or in other words, too much “yang” energy in my body. And before  me or The Man can respond, he immediately started the “treatment”. And here is a pictorial description of what the “treatment” entails:

Check out the his palm marks on my neck!!!!

And because I cannot get a word out (try speaking when someone is kneading and cracking your joints with brutal force!), The Man tried to explain to Dr. Tui Na about my sprain:

The Man: (in Mandarin) Actually, she has a muscle cramp or sprain on her right shoulder blade…

Dr. Tui Na: (in fiercer Mandarin) You guys just don’t understand. What muscle sprain? That is rubbish. I am telling you, this is just “re chi”.

The “treatment” was over in 5 minutes and I smelt like the clinic. I have used a lot of Chinese oil in my life but this particular one he used on me is by far, the foulest and strongest smelling. He handed me the bottle – it is called “the Great Dragon Rheumatism Oil” - and told me to apply it at home but not to take a shower 2 hours after. He also said I should drink a lot of brewed chrysanthemum tea because it is “cooling”. And also not to eat laksa, chillies and other “heaty” food.

Surprisingly, I felt instantaneously better. My whole shoulders is “lighter” and I can finally turn my head without pain. I also took his advice and drank plenty of brewed chrysanthemum tea (The Man is such a sweetheart to boil it for me) and lots of water that day. Within hours, the pain went away, completely. And this is despite me not using the Great Dragon Oil at home. One application (at the clinic) is enough. On our drive home from the clinic, the Man and I are completely floored by the smell on my clothes. It is too much.

But wow!!!

But I am still baffled as to how being “heaty” can lead to a specific pain in my body, but now thinking back, I realize that this is not the first time I had that pain in my right shoulders blade. I encountered it a few times before but I have always attributed it to a muscle sprain although arguably, I didn’t do anything particular that could have injured that part. So maybe all along, it is just a symptom of “re chi” as Dr. Tui Na so expertly pointed out within 3 seconds from placing his palms on my shoulders (that was pretty kung fu-ish, isn’t it?). Best of all, the “treatment” only cost $20.

So maybe mummy has got it right all along….