I was back in JB last weekend, and I did a very Singaporean thing.

I was driving towards the exit of the shopping mall car park and I went straight towards the barrier without stopping. Thank goodness, I managed to screech the car to halt just in time before I hit them. I completely forgot that in Malaysia, no barrier is going to automatically open for you after automatically deducting the parking fee from your cash card machine like they do in Singapore. You need to manually pay the makcik sitting in the pondok and/or manually insert your paid parking ticket into the machine slot. (Finding the damned machine to pay your ticket is another story altogether.)

And just prior to that, I was fighting for a parking space with a guy at the car park. Yes, I fought, as in I got down the car screaming murder after he stole my lot. I refused to bulge until he gave up the lot to me. Now boys and girls, you must never do this if you are a single female driver; especially if the other party is a male driver (lone or otherwise) and especially if you are driving a foreign car in Malaysia. Very dangerous.
Which got me kicking myself and wondering: since when have I become so unaware and complacent? I used to laugh at people who bring their ways of doing things into Malaysia and expects things to work the same way, and look what I’m doing myself! This is really bad; my best friend will be very displeased.

If any consolation, I do very Malaysian things in Singapore as well but because I AM in Singapore, I always get found out. For example, two days ago, the management office of my apartment called me up to tell me that they received a resident complaint about me. And the complaint was…… that I drove against traffic in the car park (very Malaysian, right?)

Before I go any further, please let me explain. My condo’s car park is a one way U-shape. My condo block is at the beginning of the U-shape so naturally I will park right at the beginning. To exit, the “correct” way is to drive all the way around the U-bend just exit from the entrance – which to me, is what an idiot will do.. Yes it’s against traffic but please lah, the risk is SO minimal. Firstly it is only 100m distance so it’s not like I’m driving kilometers the wrong way. Secondly, I have done my research and no one drives in at that time because everyone have gone to work. Thirdly, I always check before I exit and I’m a pretty good defensive driver. Fourthly, even if I do encounter a car, there is ample space for 2 cars to go through. So, what is the problem?!

The problem is, whoever complained against me obviously has a carrot up his/her ass – and I’m almost certain that ass is a local one. Also, check this out, the management office told me that this person reported that I have done this not once, but TWICE which mean this person (1) actually took the effort to SPY on me after seeing me do it once and (2) has damn a lot of free time on hand. But the management office person was actually really nice about it. He didn’t say it like I have done something wrong – he just said he is obliged to pass on resident’s complains. So I told him that I understand his position and will not make things difficult for the management so in future, I will go ALL THE WAY around the stupid bend to exit. (I didn’t actually say ‘stupid’. I was nice.)

Some other Malaysians thing I do here:

1. I don’t walk – anywhere. I will get in my car and drive 200m to go get bread.
2. I don’t wait for all 3 lanes to be clear before I do a U-turn. (You only need 1 lane.)
3. I eat my nasi lemak with rendang, not with that funny dried fish thing.
4. I sometimes tell people “see how first” when they ask me out
5. I choose restaurants based on whether I can just park in front
6. I will stop the auntie from putting ketchup in my wantan mee (how can!?)
7. My standard answer to “where are you” is “I’m on the way. Traffic very bad” (even if I still at home in my pee-jays!)