I'm probably the only alibaba below the age of 40

.....who has a subscription to Reader's Digest (RD).

To be fair, I started reading RD since I was 10 yrs old because my dad (who was 40 then - see!) had a subscription. At that age, I was a geek (the type with thick glasses and reads everything) and I used to wait by the postbox every month for the latest copy of RD. I stopped reading them only when I started getting pocket money to buy the kind of books that I actually understand (e.g. Betty & Veronica comics)

About 2 months ago, my credit card company sent me a flyer about a promotion they are doing with RD wherein they promised that if I subscribe to RD for a year, I will get a secret present (wooot!) and a chance to win $200,000 in a sweepstake (woot woot!). I got that flyer during a particularly stressful day at work so I said DAMMIT! WHY NOT? I WORK LIKE A DOG, I DESERVE A SECRET PRESENT! So I signed the form, parted ways with some money and waited for my secret present.

1.5 weeks later, I received a alibaba watch with a plasticky surface and fake leather strap that is way too big for me. (It's still lying at the bottom of my work drawer. Any takers?)

BUT... they also sent me a set of document with a 10-page long instructions on how to enter the sweepstake. Now, this was the real challenge. The instructions are super complicated; and it involves scratching numerous foils to reveal cars you might win, matching the keys to the right cars, placing the right stickers in the right box and returning the right forms in the right envelopes. It took me 20 minutes to read and sort out the forms. When I am finally done, I happily dropped it off at the postbox thinking all I need to do now is wait for them to announce the winner.

BUT......... noooo, it never ends!! I have since received at least 10 more documents in the past 2 months; each bulkier and more complicated than the last. They usually start off each document with a line in capital bold letters: "YOU ARE CHOSEN FOR THE NEXT ROUND. YES YOU! YOU ARE ONE STEP CLOSER TO WINNING!" They then proceed to ask you to scratch more foils, stick more stickers, return this and that --- in addition, they will (sneakily) ask you to buy stuffs like encyclopedias, neck support pillows, recipe books etc. by persuading you that you have a better chance at the sweepstake if you buy. This is really mindsweep marketing at its best!

BUT…..the funny thing is, I complied religiously with every single step each and every time! I will take time to read the instructions line-by-line, scratch the foils and stick the stickers in the right boxes. I even bought books and shits from them when they threatened that I cannot proceed further if I don't! I spend about 15-20 minutes each time – and sometimes I run down to the mailbox so that I can send it off by the deadline! I don’t know what is happening to me. Is it because they always catch me at the "right" time (e.g. stressed out at work and needed a distraction?) or am I really a sucker deep down inside? (Ok, I can see Empress Bao nodding her head).

BUT…. you must understand that the RD folks are very convincing! They send me pictures of past winners as proof that people do win. The pictures of the past winners show aunties beaming from ear to ear. I look at the pictures and imagine these aunties doing what I was doing – waiting by the postbox, fanatically scratching foils and sticking stickers. Sometimes I get depressed because I see myself as one of them – desperate, suckers and …… AUNTIE! Anyway, RD also sends me postcards and mock-ups of me winning the sweepstake. In fact, they promise that if I win, they will personally send a limousine to my office, whizz me off to a 5 star restaurant for a sumptuous meal and after that, their president will personally present me a fat-ass cheque the size of a bilboard. In fact when I told Dailytoe about this, she confirms that this fat ass cheque actually exists because she has a friend who actually works for RD and has to source for and order to print, this fat ass cheque every year! See - it's not a fib! It might just come true for me!

Anyway, one of the richest men in this world (I can’t remember which one, they keep changing) once said that if you want money to come your way, you must be comfortable owning money and knowing what you will do with it. So, I have been thinking about what I will spend my $200,000 winning on, and I have shortlisted 3 items:
1. A round of steak, frites & champagne for my friends,
2. A holiday with my best friend, and
3. A new 4WD for me!

Zroom zrooom.....