A close call

I AM BACK!!

And not sold off like a bag of pappadom/mangoes/chapati. HAH!

It was a freaking close call, though. On my last day in India, the manager barged in and shove a holiday pamphlet in my hand that reads : "BEST HONEYMOON PACKAGE IN KERALA". He said he has been scouring around for it for ages and this is the best deal he came across. He then went on to say that this is the perfect place for me to spend my honeymoon with my new Indian husband. The team then gathered around him (yes, it got really scary. I don't even know where they come from. They just appeared!) and started telling me about this reality TV show in India about an eligible bachelor looking for a wife. The producer get a handful of women who come on the show trying to impress him - like sing, dance and cook curry. At the end of the day, the bachelor's friends and family vote which woman they think is best for him and he marries her. In my case, they said, they will organise the reverse - they will get a few eligible Indian men dancing, singing and cooking curry for me and THEY will pick which is the best one for me, following which I will have a week long wedding with the whole village invited.

And then I go for my honeymoon in Kerala.

I excused myself and hid in the toilet with my blackberry and sent an email to my security director with the subject head: RED ALERT. His reply was simply: "I have no doubt our local team have your best interest at heart and will do what they say they will do but let's give it a few days. Stay calm. If you are not back by Monday, I will come get you."

*SOBBBBBB*