Older Sibling Gone Wrong

I am at the age where I am attending more weddings than before. (Give me a couple more years and it will be baby showers.)

I don’t mind weddings. In fact, I rather enjoy them especially if the couple are close friends of mine. It is a damn good excuse to get together with common friends and have a blast celebrating the start of their new life together bla bla bla….. Oh ya, there is the free alcohol too.

Lately though, I have been attending weddings of couples who are not my age, but much younger than me. I have attended 3 weddings the past couple months where the couple is in their early or mid 20s, and are the younger sibling of my friends or myself. What this mean is, the generation before me is getting hitched up before their older sibling.

These young folks weddings are typically quite different from the weddings of couples who are older. For reference sake, let’s call the older folks Generation X and the younger folks, Generation Y. The Generation X couples are very hands on when it comes to their big day. Older, grumpier, and more anal. Everything has to be perfect to the tee (cannot lose face). The bride usually turn into bridezilla from all the stress of preparing for the wedding (e.g. printing invites, photo sessions, wedding venue, solemnization venue, wedding gown, evening gown, bridesmaids, flowers, flower girl, guests logistics, seating plan, emcee, slide show, food, alcohol, hen night, post-party etc. etc.) and the groom has to psyche himself to be penniless for the next couple years. The Generation Y, on the other hand, are not as particular about their wedding… perhaps because it is usually PAID FOR and organized by the parents. Heh!

Anyway, I am not saying that a Generation X wedding is better or has more value. A wedding is a wedding - and just for good measure, I shall repeat it the third time - is a wedding. At any age. They all get the same piece of paper and are bound by the same legislation afterwards.

As I was saying, at the last 3 weddings I attended, I was the older sibling or a guest of the older sibling. Maro pointed out to me that she noticed that all three older siblings in question (myself included) are poles apart from the younger sibling getting married. In fact, we are so renegade that you can possibly term us “The Older Siblings Gone Wrong.’

At first I was miffed. Yes, we are recipients of “pity looks” from aunties and uncles at the wedding who whisper amongst themselves, “Maybe the older one is working too hard no time find husband/too ugly/too fat/gay..”. We are renegade….. but only in the sense that we are going against the rule that the older sibling should get married before the younger one. On the other hand, Maro is right about us having something in common. Just as the three Gen Y couple have lots in common:

I realized that all 3 of the mentioned Gen Y wedding couples met each other in school, dated for a long time and are wholesome decent kids who do wholesome decent things like karaoke and cycling in the park. They also moved back to their parents house after graduation and got married after entering into the workforce because it is the right time (so that they can ‘grow old’ with their kids – whatever that means). Oh ya, and they are actually friends with each other for some time before going ‘steady’ (Yes, one of the emcees actually announced that in one of the weddings!) Meaning, they didn’t meet each other in a club, had an awkward one night stand and stayed together because it was convenient.

As for the 3 Older Sibling Gone Wrong? To summise, we all the exact opposite of what I described above and we got pretty drunk and had a better time than the bridal couple at their own wedding. Hahaha!

Anyway…

I only realize lately that it has never ever crossed my mind that I should get on that bandwagon when I was in my 20s. When I was in university and all my girlfriends are busy scouring for boys who are husband material (so that by the time they graduate, they can get married), I was busy enjoying life living abroad as a student. Neither did I think about it when I got my first job because I was too busy spending money I finally make on my own. Even at late 20s, there seem to be a lot of things to do which will not be possible if I have started a family. True you can do most things with a spouse in toll but realistically speaking, experiencing things on your own is simpler because you don’t have to take on the responsibility of another person’s feelings and well-being. (Selfishness? Self-inflicted independence?)

Another reason I can attribute the lack of marriage-mindedness in my 20s is because I am blessed to have good friends with me all the time. What this mean is I don’t particularly feel the need for companionship per se. Throughout college and university, Phillip was stuck to my hips. When I was doing my Bar, I was staying with The Queen and we are constantly meeting new people every weekend. When I was started work, Phillip moved in and Toi was just next door. When I relocate to Singapore, I met one BFF after another whom I spent an inordinate amount of time with. So you see, I have this propensity to build very close knit friendships which involve us really going into each other’s lives. In other words, I am in already in so many relationships with friends. Perhaps that is why I always view ‘romantic’ relationships separately. Most of my past romantic partners are not my good friends but are good for….err.. other things. (That has changed, by the way.)

Looking at the Gen Ys, and seeing how “structured” their lives are, and how determined they are in their decision to settle down early and start a family – makes me really wonder sometimes whether I have strayed off that path. Have the Older Siblings really gone wrong?

I have asked my younger brother before, why does he feel the need to marry so young. He said it’s the right thing to do. And then he told me that he doesn’t want an unstable life – like mine.

Sometimes I am envious that the Gen Ys have their lives all planned out. But then again, I wouldn’t trade the experiences I have gained over the years for a pseudo sense of “stability”. Yes, not being part of an equation can be daunting. There are bad times. Nerve-wrecking times. And lonely times. And times when you feel that if you fall over and die, it might take weeks before someone find your rotting corpse because you are all alone in this world. (Sometimes I scare Dailytoe by telling her that her cats will eat her rotting eyes first because that’s the crunchiest part.) But having said that, these experiences only serve to teach us about ourselves, what we want and what works for us. We all need to have the freedom to do all the shits we want to do and get them out of our system – only then can we become a better and more long-lasting partner for that special someone when we meet them.

Having said all that, I am not oppose to marriage. In fact, I might be thinking about it more now that I had my fill of fun and games. In fact, my friends have already planned a big fat Chinese wedding for me. They have already designated who is doing what. The Queen will be my English emcee. Toi will be her Mandarin/Hakka/Cantonese co-emcee. Phillip is organizing the wedding march. Maro will be setting the ambience. Mung Bean is designing the invitation. Tetanus will be official cameraman. And Dailytoe has gallantly volunteered to be Head Waitress. She will be bringing in the first cold dish….amidst dry ice….. on a sedan carried by 4 other male waiters….to the tune of Chariots of Fire (!!!!!!!)

“It’s all sorted out!” they tell me. “In fact, you can set a wedding date now and leave the groom’s name blank. You can fill it in with pencil later.”

ANYWAY….

To conclude, I believe it is all about meeting the right person to spend the rest of your life with. It has very little to do at what age that happens. Perhaps the simple answer to my question is, our younger siblings didn’t get hitched up so early because they are more wholesome. Maybe they are merely luckier they met the right person for them earlier in life.

Perhaps?

Perhaps….

Perhaps.