Vexatious conversations

I was at a party last weekend with a bunch of foreigners.

We were going through a crate of wine so tongues were running foot loose and fancy free. I only knew one person there but that’s hardly an issue anymore after a certain age. Also, did I mention about the crate of wine??

What I found quite disturbing about that night is the kind of conversations this group of people likes being engaged in. First of all, they couldn’t stop criticizing Singapore and its people. I reiterate these are a bunch of foreigners from Pan-Asia and only been here a couple of days, but they went on and on about how soul-less Singapore is, its lack of identity and its severe and sanitary restrictions, as well as the white worshipping culture here.

I am not Singaporean, hence they expected me to join in the bashing. I couldn’t. I may not be in a position to defend this country neither but I was not pleased to hear them talk this way. I gave subtle hint for example when they were laughing at how oral sex is illegal in Singapore unless it leads to full intercourse; I intercepted and announced that oral sex is illegal in Malaysia, period. So what is your basis for comparing which country is more sexually retarded?

The guy next to me turn to me asked how I can tolerate staying in this country– and that I must have hated it. I told him in all honesty that I don't feel that, and I don’t even need to “tolerate” anything because I am extremely comfortable here. He smirked and gave me the “I see you have gone to the other side, traitor!” look and I responded with my, “Oh, you sad little git” look.

I also got crapped when it was revealed that I am a lawyer. The group started with their juvenile, “Oh you must have screwed so many people over” jokes. They were relentless. They asked do I enjoy screwing people up, do I like laying people off at work, did I get a law degree just so that it enables me to screw people around and do I get a good night sleep at the end of the day. The word ‘screw’ was in every sentence. I sipped my wine quietly and when an opportunity opened up for me to speak, I simply said that my job is extremely personal to me but it's a choice I am proud of (i.e. it’s none of your fucking business) and I am sorry to hear that you have such a bad impression of my profession, and finally, if I ever had grandeur plans to be the kind of lawyer that they speak of, obviously I wouldn’t be sitting here amongst you. (I added “common rif rafs of society” to the end of that sentence in my head.)

Next, this girl started talking about her much older American colleague who is so ernest at work that it annoys her. Everyone in the group started speaking through their noses (in imitation) and went on a diatribe for a good 20 minutes about how annoying Mr. Ernest must have been and sound like simply base on where he comes from. Considering they have never even seen him nor know him personally, I find it appalling that they can dedicate this much time and effort to bitch about a total stranger.

The conversations were tiring and vexatious. But the one thing that I really take home from this is: I realized I can simply turn off my defensive button around people I don't care very much for. This is the gift of old age I supposed. I may be offended but it doesn’t take too much to hold back when people criticize where I live, what I do and how much I drink. Instead of being emotional about it, I can simply sit there with a stupid grin while the attacks are thrown and think of happier things…. like how I am getting free wine out of this at least, and how lucky I am that I can run back my other brilliant friends after tonight instead of being stuck with this group forever.

After all, to me, these are really just “small people” talking. I don’t mean their physical size, I’m referring to the size of their humility and tact. If they want to criticize the narrow-mindedness of Singaporeans, they should first take a look at themselves. You can see that they clearly enjoy collectively and maliciously bashing people and countries they do not know at all – simply for the sense of mock supremacy - and to feel like they have something in common within the group.

Webster should post a picture of them next to the word “insecurity” and “pathetic” in the dictionary. Hmmmph.