What happened was, W and I went out on Saturday night to Hacienda (Giles Peterson) and Zouk (Sister Bliss). I had couple glasses of GTs and shared 6 jugs of whisky dry with him. We then proceeded to dance for the next 3.5 hours to Sister Bliss’s set - she even did a Depeche Mode remix. (I love old skool trance! Brings back good old memories. The last time I heard her play live was 7 years ago for Renaissance in KL.)
The night was good. I must say that partying with gay boys is the absolute BEST. You see, straight guy friends will only pay you attention if they are interested in you so you can’t really count of them to take care of you while you are partying like it’s 1999. Gay boys, on the other hand, are fabulous to go partying with. They will pretend to be your (good-looking) boyfriend if some sleazy dude tries to pick you up but will double up as a wingman if you want to pull. They will also fetch you drinks, accompany you to the toilet and constantly tell you that you are the most gorgeous girl on the dancefloor (regardless whether it’s true or not.) Actually the best “compliment” I receive that night was from this dude who tapped me on my shoulders on the dancefloor and announced to me above the music that “amongst all these posers shufflers here, you are the best dancer.” Oh joy! And I wasn’t even shuffling because I was in 3 inch heels. I don’t think he’s trying to pick me up either because he was with his girlfriend. So that was a strange comment.
Phillip: Aiyah, he is just trying to kao you. You don’t dance that well.
Frou: I do! I do! Or maybe just in Singapore. Maybe everyone else just dances badly here.
Phillip: If I move there, wouldn’t I be crowned “woo shen” (dancing god) then?
(I take it back. Not all gay boys are chivalrous and nice.)
So anyway, after all that madness dancing, we stumbled out of the club and back to W’s place where I proceeded to crash sideways on the couch. When I came around, it was Sunday noon already and I felt totally useless. So I spent the rest of the day on the same couch watching cheesy chick flick (Angus, Thongs and Perfect Snogging), reading books by gay authors (David Sedaris) and cracking lame jokes about fat people with W’s boyfriend (I‘m mean when hungover.) Toi came over later in the noon to cook us a full course Chinese dinner and he entertained me by pretending to be a celebrity chef explaining every step of how the dish is made aka. “If Toi Can Cook, So Can You” in Cantonese.
Dinner was a grand affair with 5 other gay boys who came over bearing wine and watermelon. Conversation was colorful as one of the guests is a Singapore Airlines steward and he regaled us with stories about difficult Russian passengers and SQ gals. He also told us stories about how crew members are expected to look good all the time and if you are so much as caught with a strand of hair is out of place or pimples on your face, you get demerit points.
Here are other new things I learn about gay boys and such:
1. They are extremely dainty eaters. No gobbling or clashing of cutleries. And they will always ‘kiap’ food for you and pass dishes around gallantly.
2. Candles is a must for mood setting. We had floating candles in a bowl of rose petals at the dinner table.
3. They don’t eat carbs after going to the gym. What is the POINT? *flexs abs*
4. Their bathroom is fully equipped. You name it: eye cream, scrubs, toner, pumice stone, facial pads (the good quality type, not those where the cotton frays upon use) as well as a full set of homme products from Shiseido. I even found a bottle of skin plumper in the form of COLLAGEN FILLER. They apologize profusely that they only thing they don’t have for me is makeup remover.
5. There is no such thing as overly cheesy ambience music for them. I had to listen to a jazz remix of Celine Dion’s My Heart Will Go On - even though my heart nearly could not go on when I heard it.
6. They take Christmas presents exchange very seriously. It is an extremely tedious affair and often lasts at least 2 hours because each individual gift is unwrapped publicly and everyone takes turn criticizing it. Bad gifts are openly condemned and are threatened to be thrown out of the window. (No face given).
7. They don’t offer provincial beverages. If you ask for a drink, they will serve you champagne, wine or whisky - with any mixers you want.
8. Throws and cushions, although meant to be scattered, must be properly placed and plumped up after use.
9. There is a workout bench in the guest’s bedroom for a reason. Since I am less than six packs perfect, I chose to sleep on the couch.
10. They have a golden rule of not stepping out of the house looking less than perfect – even if it is to run out for a few minutes. I borrowed a spare baggy (red) tee because I didn’t want to wear my last night party dress to go grab a quick coffee but I got told off, “Are you sure you want to go out wearing THAT? Sorry darling but you look like a china ping pong player.”
There was a scene in Angus, Thongs and Perfect Snogging where the lead actress was wailing into her morning cornflakes, “I am such a sorry excuse for a girl!” Sigh. Sad to say, I could commiserate with her that day...
By some freak coincidence, Phillip sent me the excerpt below from the British sitcom “The Extras” just as I was typing this post today:
(Conversation between Andy and Maggie talking about Damon, Andy's gay co-scriptwriter)
Andy: Oh he's too gay... he's TOO GAY. No one needs to be that gay.
Maggie: What do u mean he's "too" gay?
Andy: He's a cliche of a gay. If I was doing "Give Us A Clue", and the clue came up - 'a gay bloke', I'd do him. Unbelievable.
Maggie: That sounds a wee bit homophobic.
Andy: It's not homophobic, no. No, I dont care how much arse sex he has, but why does he have to be that camp, screaming and clapping? When does that happen? When do you suddenly think, "I prefer a nice little saveloy to a butter cod, so I'd better walk like this"?
Maggie: Aww but I liked him!
Andy : Of course you do. Women like you love the gays.
Maggie: What do you mean "women like me"?
Andy: Wrong side of 30, six out of ten for looks; you've got someone to go to the disco with, haven't you? And you walk in with him, and you go "No, I'm not sharking, I've got a bloke." But if a bloke comes up that you fancy, you go, "Oh him? He's just my gay friend." Perfect. Its a safety net.
Maggie: .... Six out of ten? Is that all I get??
Andy : err...
Maggie: Look me in the eye and say "Six out of ten"
Andy: Look you in your wonky eye or your good eye?
Phillip: When I watch that episode, I was sooo thinking of you. You are such a fag hag like Maggie!
Frou: I am not! Besides, I am not a six out of ten too. I dare you to look me in my eye and tell me that!
Phillip: Zzz…
I am beautiful no matter what they say. Words can’t bring me down...
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