Sisterzilla

Once again, I found myself running around like a headless chicken in glittery 3-inch heels.

I had to stop the banquet manager from serving the 4^th dish because the bride’s evening gown was wrongly sized and everything has to halt so that we can fix the wardrobe malfunction before the second march in. Next, I need to go get another set of room key for the bridal suite because the groom is locked out. And along the way, I have to grab little kids and shove them away from the aisle in case they leave anything behind that might trip the lion dancers. And where the freak is the emcee??

When the waitresses ask whether they can start serving the wine, I yelled “YES” instinctively and ordered a glass to be delivered to me personally.

And so, this is the last of my siblings' weddings (phew!) and because I am the Leo sister, it naturally fell on my lap to do the bossing around. Funny I was never given the formal appointment (except the first one where I was bridesmaid) but being part of the family means you get to be ordered around without shame and without warning. So when I was asked to “Go sort this out NOW!”, I found myself the impromptu wedding organizer for the day.

It is a nasty job but someone has to do it. I had to cue people to clap (otherwise, everyone go into deadly silence after a presentation) and also make sure people get with the program. A mobile phone perpetually plastered to my ears, crumpled time schedule sheets and a constant worried look is what I wore to The Brother’s wedding. That, and a puffy pink dress that made me look like I was going to the prom but my friends convinced me that I look ‘hawt’ (meaning, 'come hither here, meoww!') But ‘hot’ (meaning, sweaty stinky poo) was what I felt instead. I made the hair stylist cum makeup artist pull every strand of hair out of my face because I have no time to deal with ‘hairy’ issues.

And boy, there were some hairy issues! You’ll be surprised just how many unexpected occurrences can happen in a 3-hour event. I have to assuage The Brother’s “what-the-fuck-is-going-on” looks and fix things that can be fixed and cover up or distract the guests for those that can't. Like when 4 male waiters decided to march in carrying the head waitress in a sedan to some drama Chinese opera music to announce that food is served. You see, dramatic entrance for the first dish is a norm in Malaysia, but they usually just play the Chariot of Fire song which I was prepared for. I wasn't prepared for the sedan act. I wanted to hide under the table and cry.

Luckily, The Bro found the whole sedan thing amusing. It wasn’t funny for The Sis during her wedding when the waiters marched in carrying PINK heart shaped balloons without warning me. I swear I made them rehearsed the walk-in, okay-ed the song and there were no balloons, pink of otherwise, in sight then. But the waiters decided to improvise on the actual day ("Oh, we didn't tell you cos we wanted it to be a surprise) which resulted in The Sis throwing me looks so dirty I, too, hid under the table and cowered in shame then.

The good thing about it all is, I get to be (very) involved in my siblings' special day. The satisfaction you get out of it is something no amount of stress can quantify for. After three such events, I now understood how weddings can bring out the worst out of even the most loving couples. So when everyone else’s feedback is that the wedding went well and the couple was in control of the whole situation, I was extremely relief.

All in all, it was a nice, simple, and happy wedding. The couple seems genuinely happy, my parents were ecstatic and their good friends have travelled especially to be there. The Sister sent a cute video from abroad playing back some "best of" The Brother's single life. And of course, seeing The Brother and his new bride toasting to their new life together turns my heart into mush.

After the 6^th dish, when all the speeches and presentations were over, I made my escape and joined the congregation of gays, rebels and smokers hanging outside the wedding hall (Ah Toi and The Sister-in-law’s bosses!) and spent the rest of the afternoon polishing off free alcohol with the boys - despite my relatives walking by and throwing me "no wonder she is unmarried" looks.

Oh dear...