A typical weekend for my partner-in-crime (“Secretary Pig”) and I goes like this: Get off work, go home for a disco nap, have dinner, go clubbing and get drunk, go back to her place, sleep all day, beg her mother to feed us, go climb some rocks, go get massaged by fat Indonesian aunties….and then repeat.
FYI, “disco nap” = A short siesta before clubbing to help up the energy level.
Secretary Pig moved to Hong Kong subsequently which means I have to fly there once a year to continue our hare-brained activities. Which pretty much accounts for why all my HK trips revolves around the same 5 elements. My trip last weekend, was no different.
SLEEP
Somehow I always get the best sleep in Hong Kong. I have the view of South China Sea from Secretary Pig’s bedroom so every morning, I wake up to the scene of boats journeying across wide open waters. The current weather is still suffering from the aftermath of the typhoon so the sky is constantly gloomy; just perfect for lying in. Coupled with the fact that she has the most comfy winter duvet in the world, a giant TV at the foot of the bed with a dozen DVDs from Shanghai (with subtitles in Russian!), I really HATE getting out of bed in Hong Kong.EAT
Hong Kong is a pork paradise, which I am more than fine with except I usually end up leaving the country with an oink overdose. I’ll have pork chops for breakfast, porky dim sum for lunch and roast pork & suckling pig for dinner. And my favorite pack lunch for our outdoor climbs? Fried gong zhai mien with luncheon meat! I hardly noticed that the HK Government has culled all live chicken on the island this month because of suspected bird flu. Poultry? Bah!
DRINK
All I can say is, the alcohol in Hong Kong is TOXIC. I cannot think of any other reason that can explain why I always contract amnesia, hangovers and a series of unfortunate events after drinking sessions there. Partying in Hong Kong is plain crazy. The streets of Soho, Lan Kwai Fong and Wan Chai are never empty no matter what time it is. I was supposed to meet The Queen last Friday but I wasn’t able to get hold of her. I (much later) found out the reason for her disappearance is because she was stuck on the podium until Saturday morning at Vola, one of the most happening clubs in LKF where I myself have been “lost” before. This trip round, I contracted a bad case of alcohol rash after drinking just 2.5 glasses of Hong Kong vodka at Vola. I sent a worried sms to Dailytoe regarding my suspected alcohol intolerance – she replied saying she is praying very hard for me and helping me look for another liver since alcohol is our only vice these days. Such good friends I have.CLIMB
I absolutely heart climbing in Hong Kong. There are so many outdoor cliffs, peaks and mountains around the island to scale. In all my HK trips, I have been fortunate enough to have the chance to mix with the local climbing community, which in comparison with many other places, is extremely friendly and welcoming. While language can be a bit of a barrier (especially when they start shouting climb moves to you in Cantonese), it doesn’t stop them from hanging out with or talking to us foreign climbers or newbies.
Due to the bad weather this trip, we weren’t able to climb outdoors as planned so Secretary Pig brought me to an indoor bouldering gym located at the top storey of a warehouse somewhere in Kowloon. When I was riding up the lift where you have to manually open/close the lift doors, I told Secretary Pig this place looks like a scene in Chinese movies where young girls are promised modeling shots but instead tricked into doing pornographic films.
The scene inside the gym however, is a lot friendlier. It’s a very local gym, meaning there are no fancy facilities and it is literally, a hole in the wall. Secretary Pig and I spent 2 hours in that hole sweating like a pig trying to climb colorful plastic holes and testing out limb bending techniques with the local boys. One of the them took out a red light pointer and started directing us where to climb. Another one sat down and, in very concise textbook English, taught me the different “pulleys” I have in my fingers and proceeded to wrap up my middle finger with white tape. “It is good for you. Helps you climb better,” he says.Strangely, I still haven’t been able to bend that finger till today. I must have misheard an instruction (in Canto) somewhere and wrongly abused my mummified finger that day…
MASSAGE
During my last trip, Secretary Pig dragged (a very wretched) me all the way to Shenzhen, China for a evening in a rather fancy schmancy “beauty parlor”. The journey there was atrocious. We have to ride for hours on many different buses and trains and then cross customs, queue, apply for VISA etc.; all that while nursing the mother of all hangovers from toxic HK alcohol the night before. But this zhong guo “beauty parlor” is truly an eye-opener. It’s in a huge building where once you enter, they make you wear identical robes and wear a tag on your wrist. You are then allowed to roam about freely and enjoy the different “services” they provide, such as all types of massages, foot reflexology, ear candling, dead skin scraping, eating, sleeping (in capsules), mah jong etc. They even have a huge monitor where you can select which “masseur” you want (yes, their vital statistics were clearly stated on the monitor!) At the completion of each “service”, they put the charge on your wrist tag – and you only see the damage to your wallet when they scan your tag at the end of the day.
Secretary Pig discovered a similar set-up in Wan Chai but their “services” is only restricted to massages only. This place opens until 7am in the morning and the norm is, you go clubbing, get thrashed, go there for a massage, get fed, take a shower, then go home. “All the TVB actresses go there!” she squealed excitedly.
So at 12 midnight last Sunday, Secretary Pig actually drag me out of bed, put me in cab, and brought me to Wan Chai for a two hour long massage by a very strong Chinese lady who climbed on top of me, and stepped all over my back and legs. I can hear a dying PIC next to me, grunting and heaving for air when her masseur dug her toes into her flesh.
Frou: Why are we paying people to do this to us? WHYYY?
Secretary Pig: Help! I can’t breathe!!
Frou: I’m in pain!!
(Together): But it’s very shiok!
Before we start our massage, Secretary Pig and I agreed that we will NOT talk to the masseurs so that we don’t have to do small talks. But our masseurs were (as usual) chatty and key-poh and kept asking us why our muscles are so tight and why we have such broad shoulders. As per agreed, we didn’t reply which led them to start speculating and talking among themselves. (In Cantonese) ‘These kind of muscle tightness cannot be by accident. Must be specially trained or a occupational hazard. Are you two divers? No? Oh! We know! You two must be dance instructors!”
I had to bite my tongue to stop myself from laughing out loud. Dance instructors??! Can also! :p
On my last day, I got a taste of what it is like to live rich in Hong Kong when a tai-tai friend of ours who recently moved there, picked The Queen and I up in her two-seater convertible BMW (where I squashed one of The Queen’s boobies) and brought us for dim sum lunch and foot spa. Later, we had the top of her car down (and hair in our faces) as we drove through the hilly roads of Repulse Bay to her beach front house in Stanley. I commented that I recognize these roads as the locations where most murder scenes are shot in the TVB dramas; where the “victims” are usually unceremoniously thrown over the cliffs. “Oh, it happens real life too. But only to the rich tycoons lar!” she added.:S
So that concludes my very fast and furious Hong Kong weekend. Hopefully next time, I’ll get to see the pandas at Ocean Park. Or the Big Buddha. Gheez, I really need to find some time to do the actual tourist things in HK……
1 comment:
sounds heavenleeee
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