Pineapples & Periods

Being a woman is great. We can do all things, big and small. Our fore mothers cook, clean, wash, breed children (and other assorted animals) and keep the men happy - usually all the same time. Women today still do most of that (with a bit of help from modern technology and foreign human resources) but they also have to run the rat race with MEN to earn keeps for their share of the housekeeping.

But despite all our womanly obligations and living the hard life, we still have to put up with - THE PERIOD.

If you think bleeding from a wound sucks, imagine bleeding from your genitalia for 3-7 days a month. Every single month. For 40 over years of your life. The only time you get a break is when you are breeding - which if you think about it, is no lesser of the two evils.

Personally, I don't mind the actual period itself. Yes, there are general discomforts and a gamut of physical inconveniences but the bleeding itself is usually painless. All we need to do, is remember to faithfully cushion our knickers or 'plug the hole'. Also, it gets pretty messy when you are trying to “get jiggy with it” so much so, a lot of people avoid sex because it is just not worth the while.

It is the PRE-period that I have a HUGE problem with. Prior to your uterus lining actually breaking down, there is the whole build-up process where your hormones are left running amok. You get flushes, cramps, diarrhea, headaches, backaches, stomach aches, bone aches, water-retention, bloatedness, grouchiness, moodiness, sadness, anger - in short, you are a walking monster. And there is absolutely nothing you can do about it. Yes, you can pop a pill to soothe the aches and pain but the doctors are not going to prescribe Prozac for pre-menstrual depression. (Do they? If anyone knows of such doctor, please let me know)

What is even worse (yes, it can get worse) is when you are getting all those symptoms yet your period refuses to come. It "threatens" for days and even weeks, making you jumpy every time you think there is a 'leak', but it just doesn't come! Dammit! You think to yourself, are you normal? Is it other illnesses? Are you...... pregnant?

Frou: It's not here! I'm in a lot of pain. I am a bloated cow. I am weak all over. But it is not here!
The German: Maybe you are.....
Frou: NO! I am not pregnant!
Dailytoe: Go eat pineapples!
Frou: Why?
Dailytoe: They contain a certain type of acid which is supposed to help break down the uterus lining.
Frou: Aren't that useful for inducing miscarriages?
Dailytoe: Also good to induce period.

So I have been eating pineapples. A lot of pineapples. And gallons of jus nanas, Even though I hate pineapples. They leave a certain funny sensation on your tongue. But for the greater good, I will endure a funny tongue.

And guess what: It WORKS! IT WORKS! *dances around trees*

So there you go. I thought I should share this piece of (possibly useful) information (courtesy of my wombat friend, Dailytoe) for all women out there with mischievous periods.


Now you know why the hawaiian chicks dances around with pineapples....

Note: I would like to take this opportunity to thank The Boy for putting up with my bullshit the past few days. Also for Dailytoe's patience during our climb session where I threatened (many times) to drop her on belay just because I feel like killing a human being. I'm happy to report there were no actual casualties leading up to my period.