Pummeled

To be 'pummeled', means to be beaten up with the fist.

To be 'pummeled' thinking that you are being massaged, simply means you are a dingbat.

And that was exactly what happened to me last week in Krabi.

The Boy and I finished our climb early due to bad weather so we decide to go soothe our aching muscles with a massage.

When we arrived at his 'usual' massage parlor, we were greeted by a pack of chatty Thai female masseurs ("You want ma-ssaage?") who were in midst of a card game. Almost immediately (too immediately if you ask me), two of them - a young slim girl and a fat auntie - got up to attend to us.

After we got undressed and prepped, the young girl masseur approached me and immediately turned me around to have a look at my tattoos. She started gabbing in Thai to the others. I smiled politely but awkwardly.

We were told to lay face down on two thin mattresses and we were told the deal is this; he gets the fat auntie and I got the young girl.

Those who are familiar with massage therapy would know that the size of your masseur is never an issue when it comes to quality. So, I was quite happy and looking forward to a nice deep tissue Thai massage by this nice young (excitable) lady.

And that was when I got pummeled.

An hour later, I emerge from the mattress all battered and bruised with a strange feeling that I'd just been had. I looked over quizzically at The Boy, who from the looks of it, suffered no less from his fat auntie.

My young Thai masseur disappeared immediately after the massage so I didn't have a chance to 'thank' her. After we paid the fat auntie and got dressed, we staggered out of the place IN A LOT OF PAIN.

"I have a confession to make," The Boy said on our way out.

So apparently, it is a lesser known fact around the island that my young masseur has been harboring a huge crush on him for the longest time. And apparently also, the fat auntie had gestured to him earlier at the parlor (behind my back) that the poor girl has been crying her heart out the night before when she spotted me with him.

"And you let her massage me??" I cried.

Maybe that is how they deal with adultery there; death by massage.