Why they so lidat wan?

Readers of my blog will know that besides my bad grammar and punctuations, I am also predisposed to peppering my lines with the ‘lars’ and ‘mehs’.

I believe that usage of colloquial speech (e.g. Singlish) can be purposeful because when strategically used, it conveys a different intonation to a phrase. For example, “Don’t be like that” vs. “Eh, don’t be like that lar”. The former can easily be taken as a formal reprimand of sorts whereas the latter is more of a cheeky punch on the shoulder.

Also, using local slang generally brings the conversation to a level of casualness and jest that you simply cannot achieve by using pure Queen’s English – even the Brits have their own slang that didn’t make it into the dictionary (try “gobsmacked” or “brass monkeys”).

But the key to using slang (in all circumstances) is this: you REALLY have to be judicious about its use. Meaning you can’t just litter your whole sentence with it. You have to use just the right amount and at the right time - just enough to push the covert meaning through.

What happens when you only have slangs in your vocabulary?

Ear-bleed, that’s what you get.

This one particular ear-bleeding incident took place during my aimless wander around MUJI on a weekday afternoon after my boss kicked me out of the office saying that the hole in my throat is bad for workplace morale. School’s out so all the kids are hanging around aimlessly too. I blend in easily though I am a decade older than them so I remain rather conspicuous. Maybe a little too conspicuous because this young couple (of maybe 18 years of age) was totally oblivious to my presence as they started a rather annoyingly loud chat next to me.

In verbatim:

Girl: Eh, what you wanna buy ar?
Boy: Something for Xiaoqing’s uncle lor.
Girl: You buy for him for what?
Boy: No mar, she very close to him wan lor.
Girl: Wah you damn suay lor. Must buy for girlfriend’s uncle. Jialat!
Boy: Then you ler? You looking at what?
Girl: Nay (holds up a MUJI cloth card holder), you think my Boy Boy will like this or not?
Boy: Put what wan?
Girl: Put Ezylink card lar!! Why you lidat also dunno?
Boy: Wah it’s bloody expensive lor. $14 ler! Boys where got use things lidat? The cards all can put inside pocket can already.
Girl: He where got like you, so low class.
Boy: Hurry up lar, we have to go already.
Girl: Wait lar, I have to go pay for this first (holds up a bunch of pens). Eh, you know or not, the other day I open my pencil box and I realise that all my pens are all from Muji wan you know *Smug*
Boy: Huh?
Girl: I say I only use pens from Muji wan!
Boy: Wahhh.. you so atas wan ar. My pens from Papermate wan ler.
Girl: *Giggle giggle*
Frou: *Faints*

I’m seriously considering dropping the ‘lars’ from my lingo from now on. I had no idea its careless usage can sound so loutish.

Be that as it may, I am sticking with selected bad English for the (sole) purpose of annoying people like Dailytoe. Phrases like “I myself will ownself go”.

:p

Note: During my spell check, the dicky suggested replacing ‘ownself’ with ‘owns elf’. Who is in want of a fairyfolk?