The Daily(falling)Toe(nail)

I have a rather peculiar dilemma.

Before I go into that, I would like to first mention that there is an application in Facebook called 'Superlaxative' which allows you to nominate a friend for something they are most likely to do. For example, "Dailytoe is most likely to walk into a pole" or "Phillip is most likely to throw a rage and stick a pair of scissors into his hairdresser for giving him a bad haircut".

My very first Superlaxative nomination came from Nada, an ex-raver friend (meaning we used to twirl glow sticks at rave parties) who wrote that "Froufrou is most likely to have her toenails falling out yet not feel any pain until much much much much much much much much much later."

There were at least 10 "much" in her nomination.

Gawd, I hate being reminded.

So, yes that was exactly what happened in year 2000 when I broke my first toenail at an outdoor rave. Back then, raves parties were all in rage and held in just about anywhere you can think of - on islands, theme parks, car parks, abandoned jailhouse, warehouse and so on. This particular rave took place in the middle of a *ahem* jungle.

I recall that it was around 7am in the morning and for some bizarre reason, I decided that it would be a very good idea to go jumping from rocks to rocks in a nearby shallow river. It wasn't a very good move - but then again at that age, most of my moves are pretty questionable.

So it was during my gleeful jumping spree that I accidentally slam my big toenail hard against a sharp rock during a landing and my nail promptly cracked in half with parts of it coming off.

*Hahahahhaha....I bet you have a scrunched up face now!*

And yes, Nada is right. I didn't feel a single thing. The river continue flowing. Blood stop flowing. I continued with the jumping.

I only felt something a couple of weeks later. Maybe even a month. My friends and I were all chilling out at a bar in Bangsar when someone graze against my feet. Suddenly, I felt a sharp acute pain. I look down and saw that half of the remaining nail has been knocked sideways and is now dangling precariously. Blood flowed freely.

My first instinct is to scream for my best friend, the Queen.

Everyone gathered around me. The boys covered their mouths. The girls ran away screaming.

This is a good place to mention that my best friend, The Queen, is an extremely brave woman. She rounded up our less faint-hearted friends who carried me to a clinic down the road. She even followed me into the 'surgery' room. As the doctor announced that they just ran out of anaesthetics that night then promptly pull out a pair of pliers to yank the dying nail out, I buried my face in her boobs.

My screams were apparently heard across the whole of Jalan Telawi.

So that was the my first experience losing a toenail. Since then, I keep losing more. They say that once you break a nail, its new replacement tends to be weaker and more brittle hence likely to fall out as well. To date, I have broken 4-5 of my toenails - which means that these 4-5 nails are most likely to continuosly fall off every now and then.

Lucky for me, the pedicure industry has taken off in a big way since so presently, there are many newfangled methods of repairing 'cacat' (Malay for 'spastic') toenails. For my latest broken nail, I consulted a pedicurist from Mainland China. She told me (in heavily accented Shanghainese) that she is going to stick a fake acrylic nail over my broken one and hopefully that will mask the damage somewhat.

With my new fake nail, I am happy to continue wearing my tight climbing shoes (two size smaller than my regular shoes). My happiness is brief and came to an abrupt painful ending. The fake nail came loose during my Krabi trip and began pressing against my broken one. I was very upset - not because of the incessant pain - but the sheer inconvenience of it. I tried to yank the loose fake nail out but I stop after having a peek at what is underneath. It was a lost cause. Stuck in the middle of the jungle, the only thing left for me to do is to wrap a plaster around it and yes, I continue climbing regardless.

I finally have some time to deal with it today. I went to another pedicurist (a Singaporean this time) who cleaned up the mess and painted layers of acrylic over the broken nail. According to her, these extra layers will hardens to become one with my broken nail temporarily. Sounds good when she said it but she forgot to mention that the actual procedure is not good at all. She has to clean and file my broken nail first- and with each stroke of her file, the pain travels from my toe to the top of my head. I had to bite my tongue, sit on my hands and try my darnest not to kick her with my other free foot. She then apply a layer of acrylic, file, another layer, file, another layer, file..... (I have no boobs to bury my head in this time)

But when she is done, my toenail looks spanking new. I love it! I love her!

That is until she say, "Ok, please don't do anything funny with your feet for the next couple weeks. Please abstain from doing your sports-thing."

And now I am looking at my feet wishfully. I am due at the climb gym in an hour time.

To climb or not to climb. That my friends, is my peculiar dilemma.