His voice is dull and liveless. He sang as if he has nothing else better to do. His bored voice trails along in a moving direction much like he is running a really brainless errand. Because my apartment walls are porous, I can hear every word he sang. It goes:
Que sera sera....Whatever will be, will be.
The future's not ours to see.
Que sera sera....
It is not the first time I heard such a bored version of this song.
I remember singing this song in my childhood too. I learnt it from a non-stop remix cassette tape of children's songs. There were never any gusto from me neither. I only liked the melody.
Thinking back, why am I so unaffected by this song? Haven't I ever wondered what the future will be like for me back then? Haven't I wondered whether I will pretty? Or rich? Or have rainbows day after day?
I pause in my shower.
No actually I never wondered what my life would be like when I grow up. In fact, I have no desire to grow up, I just want to be a kid (I still do). I read a lot back then and I watch cartoons. Then read. Then watch cartoon. Then read...ok, I had a pretty uneventful childhood.
The only time I consciously pondered on The Question is when I finished college and need to choose what to study next. It took me about a week to decide. Actually, for my sis to decide. I asked her what should I do and she asked me what I like to do. I said I like to read and she said go choose a profession that guarantees a lot of reading. So I did and my life move along the way it will be, will be.
And thereon, whether it is moving towns or countries, meeting or changing friends, making or breaking-up, growing upwards or sidewards, laughing or being laughed at – I let whatever will be, will be.
And today in my shower, I wonder what my future looks like from now on. And for the first time, whatever will be, will be worries me.
About a week ago, I went out for drinks with a colleague. An older and wiser woman, she is. Unmarried at 49, I never once hear her explain herself for it. Her countenance is always bright and she regards herself very highly. She sees me as something of her muse, a reminder of her past. I love listening to her worldly experiences and she is rarely wrong in her opinions. She advised me the first day I started work that I should never date Singapore men.
And that day during drinks, she asked me whether I am happy doing what I am doing now.
I replied I am very comfortable, thank you madam.
She shakes her head. "You are too young to be comfortable, my dear," she replied.
I have been thinking about her comment all week. Coupled with that singing kid outside my window, I’m starting to realize that whatever will not be, will not be too.....
4 comments:
Hmmm...I wonder what your friend said about Singapore men...
Care to share? I'm seriously contemplating about dating one. Hehe, any viable inputs would be appreciated. Thanks! I enjoy reading your blog.=)
Hey Anon! Well, in short, my friend was not impressed... but then again, she is rarely impressed. I don't think it's the men in particular but most locals here generally prefers dating a straightlaced norm so my friend and her (endearing!)ecentric ways don't quite fit in the mould. Neither do they fit in hers so there we go!
Well, I have dated a few local boys and one thing I noticed about them is that they can be pretty sweet (sometimes pretty AND sweet). I think you should give Mr. SG Boy a chance esp if you have a sweet tooth!
Thanks! I appreciate the inputs. Will keep them in mind.
Mr. SG Boy is same as what you described, he's pretty sweet. Sometimes pretty and sweet, too. Hehe! To the point that it kind of freaks me out (but in a subtle way). I met him at work. He's, by the way, a lawyer too. We're from different departments so I never got to work with him directly. But from what I've observed and from what I've heard, he's pretty serious at work. Which is why I'm quite surprised (and a little freaked out). Seeing his soft side now, to a great extent, amazes me because it's totally different from what I've envisioned him to be. Oh well, now I'm telling you my story. Hehe!
Anyway, thanks for the advice. Keep on writing and enjoy life!=)
Nice! You can't go wrong dating a lawyer. They are intuitive (comes with the job), gives you lots of space (cos they are busy racking up billable hours) and the more serious they are at work, usually the wackier they are outside work. Well, just examples from my fraternity friends....... oh ya, male lawyers always drive nice cars, I noticed :p
Pretty, sweet and serious. Wow, he sounds like a real husband material, girl! Please keep me updated me on how it goes! Good luck :)
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