Someone told me 2 weeks ago that I almost have it made but I am just too lazy.
I agree wholeheartedly.
But then in my laziness, I forgot all about it.
I was reminded this morning when I stumbled (really literally stumbled) upon this name Anais Nin by accident. I looked her up on the Net and found that she is a French born American woman who wrote one of the first woman erotica back in the 20th century. She is also a famous diarist known for her eccentric and passionate writings.
She says:
“I am an excitable person who only understands life lyrically, musically, in whom feelings are much stronger as reason. I am so thirsty for the marvelous that only the marvelous has power over me. Anything I can not transform into something marvelous, I let go. Reality doesn't impress me. I only believe in intoxication, in ecstasy, and when ordinary life shackles me, I escape, one way or another. No more walls.”
As I read that, I couldn't help but feel - how absolutely opposite I am from her.
For I am as excitable as a panda bear. I only understand life through rational perspectives and calculated risk analysis. I thirst for passion but I can easily quench that thirst with something as trite as gin & tonic. Anything I cannot transform, I will find out from the start and will not even try. I cannot help but be impressed by reality. I don't believe in constant intoxication as a form of escape because it is expensive and vexatious for the soul. When ordinary life shackles me, I climb some rocks, go to sleep and then get on with it. I have my face pressed against my glass walls constantly.
I couldn't help but be intrigued by our antipode.
I searched on to see whether I could have any shred of similarity with this enigmatic woman. As I read further, I discover that despite her fiery nature, she is not an antagonist but in fact, have a very eclectic view about being a woman.
She claims to be entitled to love many people at once and to change her prince often. Her philosophy to men (as to life) is that what she cannot love, she will overlook. How wrong it is for a woman to expect the man to build the world she wants, rather than to create it herself.
Yet she does not want to be a leader in a relationship for she wants to live darkly and richly in her femaleness. She wants a man lying over her, always over her. His will, his pleasure, his desire, his life, his work, his sexuality - the touchstone, the command; her pivot. She doesn’t mind working, holding her ground intellectually, artistically; but as a woman, she wants to be dominated. She doesn’t mind being told to stand on my own feet, not to cling, be all that she is capable of doing, but she is going to be pursued, fucked, possessed by the will of a male at his time, his bidding.
For she believes that only a woman in love could appreciate the full greatness of man.
Therefore she, with a deeper instinct, would choose a man who compels her strength; who makes enormous demands on her; who does not doubt her courage or her toughness; who does not believe her naive or innocent; but have the courage to treat her like a woman.
I nodded.
Again and again.
So hard that I nearly crack my neck.
No comments:
Post a Comment