Be a Man; Carry My Handbag

I love Valentine Day! I am a big believer in commercialised celebrations and I endorse paying $10 for a stalk of crummy rose. I am after all, in the retail industry. I love the fact that consumer's willpower is at its weakest during this season. You know how retail shops will play chinese new year songs to motivate (psycho) consumers to buy what they don't need? We play Celion Dion - if her heart will go on, so will customer's buying power. We sell nicely packaged box sets of "Lovers His & Her T-shirts". We litter the changing room with glitter hearts and give out dining vouchers for two if they spend more than $300 in a single receipt. We watch gleefully as the boy's face crumble when he hands over his entire salary because his girlfriend wants to receive a more expensive V-day gift than her other girlfriends.

Oh yes, V-Day is very good for business.

When I first came to Singapore three years ago, one of the (many) culture shocks I experienced is how Singaporeans celebrate their V-day here. I had the misfortune of walking down Orchard Road on that very fruitday day of 14th February (nobody warned me). Every ten steps I take, I will pass at least 5 couples. That is nothing unusual considering that shopping is a national pastime here and they have nowhere to go besides Orchard Road anyway. But out of all 5 of these couples, 100% of them would be doing the following:

1. Strolling slowly, seemingly aimless and barely talking.
2. Boy and Girl holding hands OR the Boy's arm around Girl's shoulder OR Girl clutching at Boy's arm or Girl hanging off Boy in entirety*
3. Girl holding a small bouquet of flowers in one hand
4. Boy holding Girl's handbag

* Singaporean boys are very strong ok? They went through National Service wan.

Though the whole picture is just so wrong, what I find most disturbing is the Handbag Holding bit. Which self respecting boy would be caught dead having a tiny furry Ferragamo tucked under his armpit in the middle of a crowded street? One the other hand, why would a half sensible girl allow her boyfriend to look like a wuse when obviously she is more than able to carry her own lipstick.

I got my answer not too long after when I met my own true blue Singapore Handbag Boy (SHB). Apparently Handbag Holding is not just reserved for V-Day.

It was after a dinner date and SHB was walking me back to my car. I had with me, my handbag and a shopping carrier.
SHB: Let me help you with the bags.
Me: Thanks! Here you go (hands over shopping carrier)
SHB: And the other one?
Me: No more. Which one?
SHB: Your handbag
Me: No, it's okay. I can carry it myself
SHB: No lar, pass to me.
Me: Er...no. It's fine.
SHB: No, no. I insist
Me: I also insist. It's not heavy.
SHB: It's not about the weight
Me: (Curious) Then?
SHB: It's the principle. It's about sharing burden.
Me: There's no burden in this. It's just a wallet and phone in here. If it's that heavy to the extend that I can't lift it, I wouldn't have left the house with it.
SHB: You don't understand. It's not about the physical weight of burden or your ability to handle it yourself. It is the idea behind it. That I am off loading an inconvenience off you.
Me: Riiiiight. And that will make you a... gentleman as a result?
SHB: Technically, yes
Me: And what about the image of you carrying a woman's handbag? Doesn't that not bother you? Impugne on your masculinity - if any?
SHB: No. Because this is a chilvarous gesture so there is no issue of masculinity here. Everyone is doing it anyway, so there are no benchmarks.

I was gobsmacked. So the crux of the matter is, it is all about treating a girl like a fragile princess and making her feel 'taken care of'. Yes I grasp the basic idea but I still find it hard to swallow the rationale. Perhaps I am too much of a realist. Perhaps I am slightly feminist. Perhaps our Malaysian boys are too egoistics and proud and never treat us right. Perhaps there is really nothing technically wrong with treating girls like they are made of twigs ready to kneel over - the local girls do look like that by the way.

If that is right, have I landed myself in the land of well-trained boys?

Unfortunately, my happiness was premature.

Subsequently, I dated another Singapore boy. I had to hand him my handbag on one occasion where I was balancing three shopping bags, a laptop, a hamburger, a parking ticket and a cigarette between my lips. Thinking that they all are come from the same factory, I didn't think there was any issue.

He immediately recoiled in disgust.

He informs me that the only time he will carry a girl's handbag is if she is knocked down by a car and he has to bring the handbag from the distance between the accident site and the ambulance. And even so, the bag will be lifted by a single finger at an arm's length away from his torso.

And so, we are back to square one...