Play the Game right!

I was stuck in a R&B/Hip-Hop club on Friday night. It was a dark ghetto with mock grills all over the place. The boys were in oversized baseball shirts, the girls in tight minis. At one corner, an auntie was shaking her booty. The music was pumping, grooving and smoozing or whatever it is supposed to do. I so do not get it.

ARGH!

My friends tried to cheer me up by trying to get me to dance. They say I need to relax and find my inner R&B goddess. It’s all in the hips, they say. You got to grind it, bump it, and stick it where it doesn’t belong - !!! Unfortunately, my hip remains stuck in my pants (rightfully where they belong, thank you).

After a while, they gave up. They say I am as rigid as a rock and should stick to twirling glowsticks in a rave.

So, I sat sulking with a jug of vodka red bull. Two scantily dressed and heavily made up chicks were sitting in front of us. A guy friend was next to me, clearly enjoying the view. One of them left to powder her nose. The remaining chick lit a cigarette.

I nudged my friend, “Oi, here’s your chance. Go get her”

He looked at me disgustingly and said, “Tsk tsk. You so do not know The Game”.

Huh?

Apparently, my unsuspectingly friend has recently mastered the art of seduction vide the bestseller book by Neil Strauss, titled “The Game” – which studies the execution of the best ever pick-up lines and seduction strategies used on the opposite sex.

So I was told that the golden rule of picking someone up is this – You must never show your intention. Clear come-on lines such as “Have I seen you before?” or “Nice legs, what time do they open?” are clearly suicidal unless you look like Brad Pitt. There is nothing more desperate than attacking a lone female plucked from a pack.

So I ask: How does one pick up a chick from a pack then? My guru explains.

Scene: You spot two girls at club sitting at the bar. You are interested in one of them.

Trick 1: Always ignore the target.
First, walk up to the bar and order a drink. Strike a conversation with the girl you are not interested in. Talk about the bar service, music, weather – anything. Do not ever look at your target. Keep your back to her.

Trick 2: Curiosity kills the cat
Target is spiffed. She is used to getting the attention. Why are you talking to her obviously not-so-good looking friend instead?

Trick 3: Conflict of interest.
Since you started talking to Target’s girlfriend first, how do you know if there would be a conflict of interest? (Girls have hidden rule on who meet who first!) Simply ask the girl you been talking too whether the two of them are best friends. Don’t turn and look at Target yet. If they are best friends, the two girls will usually look at each other first before responding. This is also a time for you to slowly induct Target into the conversation.

Trick 4: The wing man
You wingman needs to come in now and divert attention. He will takeover your conversation with Target’s girlfriend. Now, you slowly turn to the Target.

Trick 5: Do not get personal
What you talk about to your Target now is key. Do not delve straight into personal stuffs. Do not ask even her name. Either tell a joke or do a magic trick as an ice-breaker. The best would be to do a personality test. Ask her to close her eyes and imagine a cube. What is the size of the cube, color, background? Each represents a certain personality trait: size = ego, color = mood and background = her preferred environment. She will be very intrigued that a stranger is sussing her personality without her revealing her own resume.

This is also a good time for you to filter unwanted Targets. If during execution of the “Cube Personality Test”, your Target ask ‘Shen me shi Qube?” or “Hami Cute?” you know you landed an Ah Lian. Flee immediately.

Trick 6: Departure
Don’t ask for her phone number. Hand her something personal – like an accessory item. Tell her that she has to return it to you when you two meet again. If she is interested in you, she will make sure she sees you again by either volunteering her number or asking for yours.

Do the above, and keep in mind one thing: Always be prepared to walk away at anytime. Do not linger or beg if rejected. Move on. You don’t have the whole night.

Er…can someone try this and let me know?