A friend griped sarcastically: "How stupid can some people get? When you like someone, you pay them more attention, not less. When you feel lonely, you seek company, not isolate yourself"
I gave it some thought; I dissent.
"Love is a very tricky business"
It's natural if you like someone, you tend to focus all your energy and attention on them and try to get them to like you back, right? For a guy that is.
It's a little tricky for girls. According to the supposed 'every girl's bible on dating' - The Rule Book', there are a lot of firewalls when dealing with men. The book's bottom line is - You NEVER make the first move. Be mean, be a cock teaser and just wait. If he likes you, he will come get you.
The pretty girls never have to wait too long. The rest of us......
Playing hard to get is an art. Between showing just enough interest yet not coming across as desperate is an extremely skillful balancing act which every school should teach girls during home economics classes.
I am not a fan of The Rule Book nor a skillful player of THE game. My justification for not showing sufficient interest is slightly poetic and extremely lazy. This song by Cocteau Twins illuminates it perfectly:
"Putting off every time, a real reunion. I lock myself up, wishing for news of you. Going through time and again, sweetly suspicious. Pretending to be mysterious so as to prolong your curiosity.
Perhaps I like to reminisce you. More than I like seeing you. Perhaps I like to imagine you, I don't need to possess you. I cannot bear being with you for real"
Liking (or more dramatically, "loving") someone is a wonderful feeling. We all get butterflies in our stomach, our senses are heightened and we grin uncontrollably like a insane bobcat at every thought of him/her in our heads.
In reality, being with that someone is usually not as exciting. Imagine you two on a date having a wonderful candlelight dinner and you are on your best behaviour. Suddenly he burps. His mobile phone rang - to the techno tune of 'Sandstorm'. He picks up the phone and curses in Hokkein. He burps three more times. He forgot his wallet.
OK, that is the worst case scenario, grossly exaggerated. The truth is, striving to make a relationship work between two imperfect human beings requires a lot of work and time and sometimes, money. Yes no pain, no gain but sometimes isn't it nicer to hold on to that perfect version of him in my imagination than screw it up with reality? I guess dreamers and lazyasses are most comfortable being with someone in their head than for real.
You know, it's actually very hard to screw up a relationship if it doesn't exist in the first place.....
"Loneliness in a sea of people"
The dictionary definition of 'loneliness' is 'solitary without company'. That is the correct definition. Problem is, most people confuse 'company' with 'people'.
It is entirely possible to be in a roomful of people and yet feel extremely lonely. These people may be friends and loved ones yet you don't feel the "companionship". But sometimes you go walking about in a foreign country amidst strangers yet you feel totally at ease.
Loneliness is synonymous with the frame of your mind. It's easy to physically surround yourself with people but the real question is whether your mind is there as well. 'Companionship' can only exist when the mind is free and open for connection with others - and yourself.
When you feel lonely, it is actually a good idea to isolate yourself and think through why you are feeling so rather than go out and try to drown it with physical proximity with people and infect them with your moodiness. Besides, we have to remember that we are never truly without any 'company'. If you are religious, you know the Big Man is always watching. If not, you always have yourself for company. So maybe it helps if you try and be better friends with yourself......
Loneliness - solitary without liking the company of your own mind.
"I'm so lonely I don't even want to be with myself anymore" - Dido
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