poseMy best friend, the Queen, lives a million miles and two oceans away from me in Switzerland but she managed to get hold of me at 1am this morning. This is after one failed attempt to call me earlier in the noon using Skypes, one missed call on my mobile in the evening and an offline message on Messenger with a link to a column in http://showbiz.sky.com
Queen: Makcik, buat apa?
Me: Nothing lar, boring. Just came back from watching James Bond
Queen: So how? Good or not?
Me: HENSOME! I wanna be SPG now.
Queen: About time lar. So what else is happening? (Ok, this is her standard operating procedure. No matter how urgent her calls are, she have to go through the obligatory general line of questioning first)
Me: Nothing lar, boring je. Been watching TV and growing fat.
Queen: ME TOO! Oh my god, I used to be so nice and thin last time. Lucky my face is still beautiful.
Me: Not really. Your face's quite koyak now.
Queen: Shut up lar. So tell me the news.
Me: Singapore no news wan. You tell me some news. What's going on at work?
Queen: Nothing lar. Israel and Palestine at war.
Me: Somemore?
Queen: Kenya got flood.
Me: Here got haze.
Queen: OH MY GOD (Now reveals the real reason why she calls), did you see Tomkat's wedding pictures?
Me: Yes lar. You sent me the link on Messenger this afternoon.
Queen: Did you see how she had to stooped down in her dress so that she is not taller than Tom?
Me: ......
Queen: They are so drama, I tell you. Getting married in a castle in Rome and all
Me: Er... you got married in a castle too.
Queen: Yeah and every girl should do that at least once. So anyway, I'm thinking - what is it with her? She's only a simple looking American girl next door..
Me: I think Britney is more American girl next door
Queen: If Britney is in Malaysia, she would be next door to Chow Kit
Me: True...
Queen: So I don't know how she does this. Manage to tangkap a guy like him. Not that he is good looking.
Me:.......
Queen: But their baby is sooooo cute! How is that possible? Anyway, she is so young. She is like what, your age? And look where she is in life compared to you. You are quite useless aren't you? Why can't you be more like her.
Me: STOP TALKING ABOUT TOMKAT!!
Queen: Oklar. So how? Got bf or not?
Me: The fortune teller say I will only meet my true love in 2008 so do not ask me this question in 2006. Check back again in two years time.
Queen: Whatever, girlfriend.
Me: (Thumping right hand to heart) Peace.
Author's Tribute:
My best friend, the Queen, is an intense, vivacious creature with a larger than life personality (and boobs). Half the world population of men is obsessed with her (and her boobs), while the lesser half is - plain scared. She has the attention span of a goldfish but is always the sharpest fish in the aquarium. She likes to hang out with me because I am small, cute and funny. I like to hang out with her because she attracts the men. I hope one day she turns lesbian.
3 comments:
Ok now my own metaphorical and fishy comments....
I think you are both funny clown fishes feeling very special in your own aquarium. The water is acidic in there so none of us would dare to take a swim. So all the guys outside (or a good 50% of them) can only sit there with their big mouth opened desperably trying to catch one of you.
Now it's a wonder why my goldfish managed to swim for so long in the calm water of lake Geneva. It's clean and confy though, steady reliable foodstock and no tsunami in sight. But she justifyingly feels that these cold, colorless and flat waters might be killing her. She is a tropical fish for god sake.
Anyway, froufrou might be a wannabe SPG but I am afraid she might never get there. She is way too clever for such a great thing hapenning to her. But the difficult thing is that for the exact same reason she finds the asians respectively petit/gros zizi terribly unexciting. Maybe a 1st class whitetrash/indian /chinese metisse is the solution... What do you think?
But I honestly don't believe in the "the queen is getting all the attention" mantra, she is attracting as many men as you do. She knows that. I think she enjoys being in the shadow of your boobies so that she has a line of defense from all the disappointing male that cannot help but talk to you but in the end secretly fancy her.
As far as I know she was easily at the #1 spot of the top 10 most viewed wed pictures at the office here.
Dear Papaju,
We are indeed an exceptional breed. People always like to hang on to us in some form or another to sometimes emulate our life and get frustrated trying.
As for froufrou turning SPG, I hope not. There are enough sad cases out there hoping to go Continental instead of Asian simply because they associate Continental as having more money or simply being superior and more glamourous.They should seriously wake up. The sad thing is I personally know many young female well-educated professionals who are just looking to snag an ang-moh to get out of Malaysia/Singapore and lead thier so-called dream life.
In the end, they end up in Australia/NZ/Europe/USA staying at home and cleaning thier own homes cause their combined or single household income cannot provide for a housekeeper!
I would never ever wish my froufrou to do that. What I absolutely love about her is her independence and no-nonsense approach to all this rubbish. The wannabe glamourous, sex in the city life is not something she tries so desperately to follow. Instead, I think she is a real trooper who lives her life as she pleases, without giving a hoot about what is cool or the next best thing.
And its true, whenever her picture is flashed to guys here, or anywhere I am for that matter, men just think she is one hot specimen!
You two are just too kind - I have been grinning in my sleep after reading your comments.
My dear papaju, you are a happy camper in our aquarium and always will be.
Every SPG will tell you they date white guys because they are the only ones who would be able to understand their 'Westernized' thinking. Be reminded that their so-called 'Westernised thinking' is acquired without leaving the country but from watching Beverly Hill 90210 and The OC.
The ah lian in me refused to give in. I want to be with someone to can sit down and discuss Pak Lah/Dr M with me over nasi lemak and kopi-O. When are you turning lesbian, my queen?
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