Fixing my 'koyak' face has been my "to do" item for over a month but I just couldn't muster the time and energy to go for a facial. Like I always tell The Man, all these preening and making beauty that a girl must do to maintain her looks is a CHORE. Like mopping the floor and dusting the cupboards.
And unfortunately, it showed.
Because when I finally found time to go for a facial, and while being strapped down to a heated bed cocooned in bath towels, I was given a 'heated' scolding by my facial auntie.
Facial Auntie: AIYOHHH! Why your face so dehydrated? What have you been doing?
Frou: Nothing...
FA: You go in the sun issit?
Frou: Xiao xiao...
FA: You never put sunblock issit?
Frou: ....
FA: And look at all the blackheads. Why you never use our products?!!
Frou: I got! (ps: I got buy, but never use.)
FA: Bluff! If you got use, your face won't be like that. *squeeze another pimple*
Frou: OUCHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
FA: Xiao jie, nu ren bu ke yi lan. (In mandarin: "Miss, women cannot be lazy")
Frou: OUCHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
FA: Ni zhi you yi zhang lian - yao zhao gu! ("You only have one face, must take care")
Frou: Jiu ming ahhhhh!! ("Helppp!!")
Facial Auntie only let me go after 3.5hours - with 45minutes of extraction. She says she sayang me so give me extra long cleansing. The Man didn't even noticed that my face looks like boiled lobster when I got home. It just shows that men don't notice these things so why even bother??! I told him anyway, about my encounter with facial auntie but he just hmmph and grmmph in mock acknowledgement.
Until he met his own auntie protagonist last weekend.
Now that we are in wild, wild West, we have to go to places like JURONG POINT and IMM to get our groceries. So last weekend, against all convictions that one must not go to a heartland mall during the weekends, we trotted to IMM to get shits from Giant.
So I was waiting for him to get a trolley, and when he finally came wheeling back a full 15 minutes later, his face was charcoal black. So I asked him what's up with the grumpy face and he told me he just had a fight with a JURONG AUNTIE.
Frou: Why you go and fight with Jurong aunties!??
The Man: Coz she was very rude! I got a faulty trolley and was about to return it when she came up to me and shove $1 in my hand and said, "Faster givemme, givemme, givemme" and trotted off with the trolley.
Frou: And then?
The Man: And then later she came back and screamed at me saying I was very selfish not telling her the trolley is faulty
Frou: Ohh la la. What did you say to her?
The Man: I shouted back that she was so rude to shove in front of me in the first place and deserve the wonky trolley like her wonky face.
Gagagagagagga! Well that episode affected his mood the whole evening. Everything that went wrong that day was all attributed to the Jurong Auntie. He got a bad sinus after shopping in Giant, and it was the Jurong Auntie who passed him the disease. We got horribly lost trying to navigate Jurong town, and it was the Jurong Auntie who cursed us.
Finally that night when all is calm and peaceful, I brought up the Jurong Auntie incident:
Frou: So, if it was me who was demanding the trolley from you at Giant, would you have shouted at me too?
The Man: (diplomatically) No lah, you so pretty, I wouldn't. Not only will I get you a working trolley, I will even follow you around and carry all your groceries for you.
Frou: MIU! Good answer! I like. Ok. I'm going to sleep. Goodnight!
The Man: Wait, you have showered or wash your face
Frou: No need lar....
The Man: NU REN BU KE YI LAN! ("Women cannot be lazy!")
Frou: URGH???
The Man: Wait you look like a jurong auntie in a few years...
Frou: (-______-")
Showing posts with label Shit Happens. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Shit Happens. Show all posts
Monday, October 12, 2009
Thursday, June 04, 2009
Frau Frau
It’s 3.30pm on a Thursday afternoon.
I am writing a blog post at an hour where I should be furiously working. I was furiously working up to 30 seconds ago when I received an email with just two words, “It’s off” which roughly translate to “You sucker! Ha ! Ha! You just spent the past 2 hours drafting a stupid Vietnam Sub-Lease Agreement for nothing! NOTHING! Sucker! Ha! Ha!”
If I had my draft agreement on paper, I would have executed the dramatic gesture of tearing it into pieces and stuffing its remnants down the throat of the person who asked for it in the first place. Instead, I can only angrily click on the X button at the top right hand corner of Microsoft Word. A box popped out on my screen asking “Do you want to save changes to your document?”. I was lost momentarily because there were only 3 options - “Yes”, “No” and “Cancel”. I was more appropriately looking for “Are you fucking kidding me?”
Anyhoo….
Today has been a series of similar unfortunate events. It’s just one of those days. It started this morning after I parked my car. I saw one of the senior directors parking just two slots away. I didn’t want to make small talk so I quickly grab my shits and dash off upstairs. (Who da anti-social???!) In my haste, I forgot my wallet so I had to trek all the way back to my car to retrieve it. After that, I had this brilliant idea that I wanted a muffin so I trekked to Starbucks. I took one look at their muffins on display and got sugar rush already. So I figure I should get something less tooth-rottingly sweet. Then I realize I didn’t have any money so I had to trekked to an ATM which is at the other side of the world and next to a shop selling chicken pie. I spent the next 3.5 minutes deciding whether I want a chicken pie only to be told that none of their pies are warm at that hour. So I trekked back to the other end of the world to grab an alibaba bun that comes with black coffee from some alibaba baker. When I finally get to work, I’m half hour late and extremely exhausted. I took a sip of my black coffee and it tasted like black car oil. So I troop to the pantry to get some milk. I poured straight from the milk container and a large blob fell out. The milk has coagulated. My multinational company gives coagulated milk to its staff! COAGULATED! My coffee is ruined!!! Who do I sue?? Where is the legal department??? Wait, don’t I work for the freaking legal department??? :(
So, I started working on The Malaysian Contract to take my mind off things, which seriously was a non-event. I was battling between pain and boredom for the next couple hours, and looking forward to my scheduled lunch with The Sis when the phone rang. It was The Sis telling me that she is on half-day MC today because she caught a flu. “Oink?” I asked. “No. Seasonable flu.” So, lunch is off which is rather depressing because I only have once a week chance to catch up with her since we don’t live together. The phone rang again. It was The Man who wanted to confirm my details for a booking he is making on my behalf. He mis-spelt my name. He doesn’t know my name. I ask him to spell it again. He mis-spelt it again. I feel like wringing a neck. Any neck. His neck particularly.
I then receive an email from The Queen with “Educate yourself please” as the subject title. She has sent me an article about the Tiananmen Square Massacre. Today is the anniversary of the tragedy that happened 20 years ago – a fact that I didn’t know up to yesterday:
The Queen: What do you mean you don’t know? You are Chinese!
Frou: I am! But I dunno! What happened at Tiananmen?
The Queen: Thousand of innocent peaceful protestors were killed. They were fired at and ran over by tanks! Some of the dissidents are still in jail until today.
Frou: Kena run over by tanks!??! Oh dear!!! How dire!
Which is why I spent the next 20 minutes reading up on the Chinese June 4th tragedy. It is all very depressing. Adds to my depressing day.
So I texted Toi to feed me. He said to meet at 12pm. No news at 12.10pm. I texted him at 12.15pm asking where he is. No reply. I called him at 12.30pm. He answered. He is still at work. He is leaving work now. He works in JURONG, damn it!! I was a very limp and very starved pig by the time he finally pigged me up for lunch but we had really yummy ramen at Miharu so that makes up for it.
Ramen expands in your stomach. Probably by thrice its original size which explains why I was a floating Michelin at my desk after lunch which was when I started working on The Vietnam Contract and of which I subsequently got that “It’s off” email.
Ok… what’s next? *burp*
I am writing a blog post at an hour where I should be furiously working. I was furiously working up to 30 seconds ago when I received an email with just two words, “It’s off” which roughly translate to “You sucker! Ha ! Ha! You just spent the past 2 hours drafting a stupid Vietnam Sub-Lease Agreement for nothing! NOTHING! Sucker! Ha! Ha!”
If I had my draft agreement on paper, I would have executed the dramatic gesture of tearing it into pieces and stuffing its remnants down the throat of the person who asked for it in the first place. Instead, I can only angrily click on the X button at the top right hand corner of Microsoft Word. A box popped out on my screen asking “Do you want to save changes to your document?”. I was lost momentarily because there were only 3 options - “Yes”, “No” and “Cancel”. I was more appropriately looking for “Are you fucking kidding me?”
Anyhoo….
Today has been a series of similar unfortunate events. It’s just one of those days. It started this morning after I parked my car. I saw one of the senior directors parking just two slots away. I didn’t want to make small talk so I quickly grab my shits and dash off upstairs. (Who da anti-social???!) In my haste, I forgot my wallet so I had to trek all the way back to my car to retrieve it. After that, I had this brilliant idea that I wanted a muffin so I trekked to Starbucks. I took one look at their muffins on display and got sugar rush already. So I figure I should get something less tooth-rottingly sweet. Then I realize I didn’t have any money so I had to trekked to an ATM which is at the other side of the world and next to a shop selling chicken pie. I spent the next 3.5 minutes deciding whether I want a chicken pie only to be told that none of their pies are warm at that hour. So I trekked back to the other end of the world to grab an alibaba bun that comes with black coffee from some alibaba baker. When I finally get to work, I’m half hour late and extremely exhausted. I took a sip of my black coffee and it tasted like black car oil. So I troop to the pantry to get some milk. I poured straight from the milk container and a large blob fell out. The milk has coagulated. My multinational company gives coagulated milk to its staff! COAGULATED! My coffee is ruined!!! Who do I sue?? Where is the legal department??? Wait, don’t I work for the freaking legal department??? :(
So, I started working on The Malaysian Contract to take my mind off things, which seriously was a non-event. I was battling between pain and boredom for the next couple hours, and looking forward to my scheduled lunch with The Sis when the phone rang. It was The Sis telling me that she is on half-day MC today because she caught a flu. “Oink?” I asked. “No. Seasonable flu.” So, lunch is off which is rather depressing because I only have once a week chance to catch up with her since we don’t live together. The phone rang again. It was The Man who wanted to confirm my details for a booking he is making on my behalf. He mis-spelt my name. He doesn’t know my name. I ask him to spell it again. He mis-spelt it again. I feel like wringing a neck. Any neck. His neck particularly.
I then receive an email from The Queen with “Educate yourself please” as the subject title. She has sent me an article about the Tiananmen Square Massacre. Today is the anniversary of the tragedy that happened 20 years ago – a fact that I didn’t know up to yesterday:
The Queen: What do you mean you don’t know? You are Chinese!
Frou: I am! But I dunno! What happened at Tiananmen?
The Queen: Thousand of innocent peaceful protestors were killed. They were fired at and ran over by tanks! Some of the dissidents are still in jail until today.
Frou: Kena run over by tanks!??! Oh dear!!! How dire!
Which is why I spent the next 20 minutes reading up on the Chinese June 4th tragedy. It is all very depressing. Adds to my depressing day.
So I texted Toi to feed me. He said to meet at 12pm. No news at 12.10pm. I texted him at 12.15pm asking where he is. No reply. I called him at 12.30pm. He answered. He is still at work. He is leaving work now. He works in JURONG, damn it!! I was a very limp and very starved pig by the time he finally pigged me up for lunch but we had really yummy ramen at Miharu so that makes up for it.
Ramen expands in your stomach. Probably by thrice its original size which explains why I was a floating Michelin at my desk after lunch which was when I started working on The Vietnam Contract and of which I subsequently got that “It’s off” email.
Ok… what’s next? *burp*
Monday, February 23, 2009
Ever get the feeling you just been had?
During The Frou Clan’s dinner:
Mother: Something is wrong with my handphone.
Everyone: ……
Mother: (louder) Something is wrong with my handphone.
Bro: Did you remember to turn it on?
Mother: (roll eyes) Of course I did lah! But my screen has gone upside down.
Bro: Don’t be absurd.
Sis: That is not possible.
Mother: Go on, take a look (shows her handphone)
Bro: Oh my gawd! You ARE serious!
Frou: (keypoh) What happen? What happen?
Brother: The screen has flipped 180 degree. Like a mirror image!
Sis: How did you do that, mother?
Mother: I’m telling you. My phone died.
Bro: So what do you want us to do?
Everyone: …….
Mother: You know, my phone is already sooo old. I have used it for sooo long….(bla bla bla… trailing white noise)
Bro: I’d offer you one of my two spare phones but both of them have something wrong.
Sis: Sorry I only have one phone.
Everyone: (looks at Frou)
Frou: Fine, I will lend you mine.
Mother: Faster bring.
Frou: Ok here is my phone.
Sis: Why is the layout so childish? What kind of techno ring tone are you using? Can you change the theme and ring tone first before passing to mum? Don’t embarrass her.
Frou: Fine!
Frou: Ok, I have changed the theme and ringtone. Here you go.
Bro: Maybe you should delete all your sms-es too...and mms… and any received files and photos. You never know.
Frou: Grr. Fine!
Frou: Ok, I have deleted all my messages and photos. Here you go.
Mother: How come all your phone numbers are still in here?
Frou: Because… it’s still my phone?
Mother: How am I going to find my numbers then?
Frou: So you want me to delete all my number too?
Mother: Yah.
Frou: Hey… hold on a sec here. Are you ever gonna return this phone to me?
Mother: (looks away) ……
Everyone: (looks the other way) …..
Frou: OH MY GAWD!! I HAVE BEEN CONNED! THIS IS A CONSPIRACY! I HAVE BEEN ROBBED BY MY OWN FAMILY!!
Mother: Sshhhh. Finish your dinner.
Mother: Something is wrong with my handphone.
Everyone: ……
Mother: (louder) Something is wrong with my handphone.
Bro: Did you remember to turn it on?
Mother: (roll eyes) Of course I did lah! But my screen has gone upside down.
Bro: Don’t be absurd.
Sis: That is not possible.
Mother: Go on, take a look (shows her handphone)
Bro: Oh my gawd! You ARE serious!
Frou: (keypoh) What happen? What happen?
Brother: The screen has flipped 180 degree. Like a mirror image!
Sis: How did you do that, mother?
Mother: I’m telling you. My phone died.
Bro: So what do you want us to do?
Everyone: …….
Mother: You know, my phone is already sooo old. I have used it for sooo long….(bla bla bla… trailing white noise)
Bro: I’d offer you one of my two spare phones but both of them have something wrong.
Sis: Sorry I only have one phone.
Everyone: (looks at Frou)
Frou: Fine, I will lend you mine.
Mother: Faster bring.
Frou: Ok here is my phone.
Sis: Why is the layout so childish? What kind of techno ring tone are you using? Can you change the theme and ring tone first before passing to mum? Don’t embarrass her.
Frou: Fine!
Frou: Ok, I have changed the theme and ringtone. Here you go.
Bro: Maybe you should delete all your sms-es too...and mms… and any received files and photos. You never know.
Frou: Grr. Fine!
Frou: Ok, I have deleted all my messages and photos. Here you go.
Mother: How come all your phone numbers are still in here?
Frou: Because… it’s still my phone?
Mother: How am I going to find my numbers then?
Frou: So you want me to delete all my number too?
Mother: Yah.
Frou: Hey… hold on a sec here. Are you ever gonna return this phone to me?
Mother: (looks away) ……
Everyone: (looks the other way) …..
Frou: OH MY GAWD!! I HAVE BEEN CONNED! THIS IS A CONSPIRACY! I HAVE BEEN ROBBED BY MY OWN FAMILY!!
Mother: Sshhhh. Finish your dinner.
Friday, March 14, 2008
Zzzzzz.....*snore*
I picked up a very BAD habit from Dailytoe.
Whenever we get bored in a conversation, we drop our head and let out a loud and long snore (henceforth shall be known as, *ZZZ*.)
It may sound very innocent but it is actually very rude. Imagine you are talking to somebody and he/she suddenly (and openly) falls asleep on you! Yes, it is only 'fake' sleeping but the implication is loud and clear (and in your face): "You are B.O.R.I.N.G me!"
We started off being very judicious about its use. We reserve this gesture only for truly sleep-inducing conversations pertaining to issues which we are not interested in.
Frou: How's your day?
Boring Person: "It's not good. My investments are shaky. Did you know that the Wall Street really suffered last week with the Dow Jones Industrial Average down 220 points at its worst, but the day did end in positive territory, about 30 points up. Maybe I should start thinking about other indices."
Frou: *ZZZ*
Then we extend its usage on people who cannot make up their minds.
Frou: What time shall we meet?
Boring Person: How about 6? But then at 4 I have a meeting but maybe it will end early. So maybe 5? But yesterday we had to work until 6.30 so tonight, we probably should meet at 6.30 instead?
Frou: *ZZZ*
Then further, to verbose speakers....
Frou: Was the movie good?
Boring Person: Yes it was and I really liked it but maybe I didn't quite like one part which is near the end but that was small part so it wasn't that bad.
Frou: *ZZZ*
The snoring starts coming on earlier and earlier i.e. before the person can finish his/her sentence.
Frou: What shall we eat?
Boring Person: How about the Food Court? Though I had that yesterday. Or maybe we can.....
Frou: *ZZZ*
Then it comes on when we can sense a boring topic coming up....
Boring Person: Have I told you about the time I went for Diana Ross.....
Frou: *ZZZ*
Now, it comes on almost instantaneously when a boring person opens his/her mouth......
Boring Person: Hi, I am...
Frou: *ZZZ*
And once of twice, we even fell asleep on ourselves!
Dailytoe: How was your weekend?
Frou: Oh, not much. I did my laundry and.....*ZZZ*
It is bad enough that I do it to friends and strangers but to my horror, I have subconsciously started using it at work. Like when my boss handed me a boring assignment or lectures me on inane subjects like code of conducts. *ZZZ*. I am fortunate to have a boss who tolerates my nonsense so it was let slip once or twice without harming my career. However, an inadvertent wrong usage at work this morning has put an end to this bad habit. Immediately.
[Phone rings]
Frou: Hello?
Boss: Frou, are you available now?
Frou: Yes Boss
Boss: Can you join in a meeting? I need you to teach the HR team on the various issues that can arise out of a confidentiality agreement.
Frou: *ZZZ*
Boss: Er, excuse me, you are on speaker phone.
Frou: (gasp) Erm...who's there with you?
Boss: The HR team.
Oh fuck-a-doo....
Whenever we get bored in a conversation, we drop our head and let out a loud and long snore (henceforth shall be known as, *ZZZ*.)
It may sound very innocent but it is actually very rude. Imagine you are talking to somebody and he/she suddenly (and openly) falls asleep on you! Yes, it is only 'fake' sleeping but the implication is loud and clear (and in your face): "You are B.O.R.I.N.G me!"
We started off being very judicious about its use. We reserve this gesture only for truly sleep-inducing conversations pertaining to issues which we are not interested in.
Frou: How's your day?
Boring Person: "It's not good. My investments are shaky. Did you know that the Wall Street really suffered last week with the Dow Jones Industrial Average down 220 points at its worst, but the day did end in positive territory, about 30 points up. Maybe I should start thinking about other indices."
Frou: *ZZZ*
Then we extend its usage on people who cannot make up their minds.
Frou: What time shall we meet?
Boring Person: How about 6? But then at 4 I have a meeting but maybe it will end early. So maybe 5? But yesterday we had to work until 6.30 so tonight, we probably should meet at 6.30 instead?
Frou: *ZZZ*
Then further, to verbose speakers....
Frou: Was the movie good?
Boring Person: Yes it was and I really liked it but maybe I didn't quite like one part which is near the end but that was small part so it wasn't that bad.
Frou: *ZZZ*
The snoring starts coming on earlier and earlier i.e. before the person can finish his/her sentence.
Frou: What shall we eat?
Boring Person: How about the Food Court? Though I had that yesterday. Or maybe we can.....
Frou: *ZZZ*
Then it comes on when we can sense a boring topic coming up....
Boring Person: Have I told you about the time I went for Diana Ross.....
Frou: *ZZZ*
Now, it comes on almost instantaneously when a boring person opens his/her mouth......
Boring Person: Hi, I am...
Frou: *ZZZ*
And once of twice, we even fell asleep on ourselves!
Dailytoe: How was your weekend?
Frou: Oh, not much. I did my laundry and.....*ZZZ*
It is bad enough that I do it to friends and strangers but to my horror, I have subconsciously started using it at work. Like when my boss handed me a boring assignment or lectures me on inane subjects like code of conducts. *ZZZ*. I am fortunate to have a boss who tolerates my nonsense so it was let slip once or twice without harming my career. However, an inadvertent wrong usage at work this morning has put an end to this bad habit. Immediately.
[Phone rings]
Frou: Hello?
Boss: Frou, are you available now?
Frou: Yes Boss
Boss: Can you join in a meeting? I need you to teach the HR team on the various issues that can arise out of a confidentiality agreement.
Frou: *ZZZ*
Boss: Er, excuse me, you are on speaker phone.
Frou: (gasp) Erm...who's there with you?
Boss: The HR team.
Oh fuck-a-doo....
Thursday, March 06, 2008
Nightmares before work
This morning, the Mix FM deejays asked listeners to call in with their grievances on ‘nightmares they encounter before even reaching work.’
An anal retentive listener complains that she cannot leave for work unless her house is spick and span. So her biggest nightmare is to find lurking dusts (blown in during the night) or misplaced toys on the floor (dragged around by her restless cats) in the morning. She goes berserk cleaning before going to work.
Another caller (a famed construction contractor in yellow boots from the Lion City) complains that he sometimes get into the car and starts driving but forgets which client he is suppose to meet that morning. So he ends up driving round and round the block until he remembers where he is suppose to go.
I thought about the nightmares I encounter before work and here is my top 10 list:
1. Going back to sleep thinking it is a Sunday.
2. Not finding any clean underwear (who forgot to do laundry??)
3. Cannot decide what to wear for work (even though I wear jeans everyday doesn’t mean it’s easy choosing which top to go with it, ok!)
4. Spilling coffee/peanut butter/nasi lemak all over myself during the drive (yes, I eat my breakfast in the car. It’s a very long drive mar….Zzzz)
5. Needing to go to the toilet real bad – while stuck in morning traffic – especially on rainy days.
6. Listening to bad jokes on radio morning shows.
7. Reaching the ERP Gantry one minute before the next lower pricing period starts (which for your information, is after 08:55am along the ECP)
8. Checking my Blackberry at traffic light stops and discovering random horror work events that took place during the night (Lesson learnt: When bored, read other things lying around the car, e.g. spa brochures, road directory etc., instead of emails)
9. Arriving at the office but realize that I forgot to bring my laptop (considering that it takes me 30 mins to get to work, it’s an absolute nightmare to have to go back and retrieve it – 1.5 hours gone!)
Last but not least, the worst nightmare that can happen to me on a work morning is…..
*drum roll*
MISBEHAVING HAIR!! ARGHHHHHHHH! It’s an absolute morning slammer!
(I am not a bimbo. Really)
Wednesday, September 26, 2007
Two more minutes before they shut the darn thing off
Just this evening, I was a speed-demon racing down CTE towards Ang Mo Kio Avenue 3 – Sorry I should say “AMK 3” (more glam).
The reason why I am speeding is because it is nearly 8pm and I am LATE. I just finished a series of conference-calls with India who is 2.5 hrs behind Singapore time. Which translate to mean that I am 2.5hrs late for my climbing appointment.
So there I was driving along the middle lane of CTE; my eyes fiercely on the road while singing along to Power 98 FM. All of a sudden, the car in front of me (a blue Honda Civic hereinafter known as ‘Blue Honda’) suddenly slows down. Baffled, I slowed down as well, wondering if an accident had occured ahead.
Slower, slower and slower. Pretty soon, Blue Honda is moving at a ‘neck-breaking’ speed of 40km/hr. The other cars on the left and right lanes continue to speed on by.
Blue Honda’s rear end grew larger and larger in front of me. The big fat ass just refuse to pick up speed.
I grew furious.
Now I am usually very tolerant when it comes to road-hoggers back in Malaysia. Usually they are Kancils crammed with 6-7 people (usually same family, you can tell from the colour of their tudungs). You can’t really blame them for moving slow because it’s a weight vs. engine capacity issue. This Blue Honda, however, have no excuse. It is a Civic for goodness sake and with only two fellas inside.
So I execute the 4-Steps Frou's Way of Dealing with Road-Hoggers.
Step 1: Go close to target and high-beam at least three times in case driver is very dense and don’t get it.
Results: Blue Honda didn't get it and continue moving at 40km/hr.
Step 2: Honk at the bugger
Results: Blue Honda remain impervious, in fact moved slower.
Step 3: Drive even closer and start cursing/swearing with exaggerated mouth movements (accompanied by hands gestures if necessary) so that target is able to see your fury from his rear-view mirror.
Results: Tension definitely building up but target did not respond in kind.
Step 4: Overtake target and as you pass him, give your most menacing sneer (or you can continue doing what you did in Step 3) and if you are crass enough, shake your fists at target.
Results: Ok I am really not that crass so I didn't actually shake my fists. Turn out, the driver is a skinny nerd wearing glasses and he continued talking to his (fat) female companion totally oblivious to my taunts.
ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!
Looks like the joke's on me......
:(
(If you don't get it, go back up and read the title of this blog entry)
The reason why I am speeding is because it is nearly 8pm and I am LATE. I just finished a series of conference-calls with India who is 2.5 hrs behind Singapore time. Which translate to mean that I am 2.5hrs late for my climbing appointment.
So there I was driving along the middle lane of CTE; my eyes fiercely on the road while singing along to Power 98 FM. All of a sudden, the car in front of me (a blue Honda Civic hereinafter known as ‘Blue Honda’) suddenly slows down. Baffled, I slowed down as well, wondering if an accident had occured ahead.
Slower, slower and slower. Pretty soon, Blue Honda is moving at a ‘neck-breaking’ speed of 40km/hr. The other cars on the left and right lanes continue to speed on by.
Blue Honda’s rear end grew larger and larger in front of me. The big fat ass just refuse to pick up speed.
I grew furious.
Now I am usually very tolerant when it comes to road-hoggers back in Malaysia. Usually they are Kancils crammed with 6-7 people (usually same family, you can tell from the colour of their tudungs). You can’t really blame them for moving slow because it’s a weight vs. engine capacity issue. This Blue Honda, however, have no excuse. It is a Civic for goodness sake and with only two fellas inside.
So I execute the 4-Steps Frou's Way of Dealing with Road-Hoggers.
Step 1: Go close to target and high-beam at least three times in case driver is very dense and don’t get it.
Results: Blue Honda didn't get it and continue moving at 40km/hr.
Step 2: Honk at the bugger
Results: Blue Honda remain impervious, in fact moved slower.
Step 3: Drive even closer and start cursing/swearing with exaggerated mouth movements (accompanied by hands gestures if necessary) so that target is able to see your fury from his rear-view mirror.
Results: Tension definitely building up but target did not respond in kind.
Step 4: Overtake target and as you pass him, give your most menacing sneer (or you can continue doing what you did in Step 3) and if you are crass enough, shake your fists at target.
Results: Ok I am really not that crass so I didn't actually shake my fists. Turn out, the driver is a skinny nerd wearing glasses and he continued talking to his (fat) female companion totally oblivious to my taunts.
Basket!@*&^&#$@
After I overtook the Blue Honda, I was again a speed-demon racing down CTE approaching the AMK 3 exit.
Suddenly I saw in front of me, a blinking ERP Gantry with the red sign "In Operation".
The time on top of the gantry reads 7.58pm.
ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!
Looks like the joke's on me......
:(
(If you don't get it, go back up and read the title of this blog entry)
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